Curse or Gift
by SweeTarts151
Summary: What if you could see the moment when someone would die, would you tell them to try and save them or leave them to their fate? Or would your interfering be the cause of their death? My name is Rachel Barbra Berry and I can see your death.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, none of the songs mentioned, or the tv show, nothing is mine.**

**A/N: Some of the characters are OOC, and sorry for that but I believe the events in this story would change people and picture some instances and people differently. Also there is no slushying in the school, I believe most schools wouldn't tolerate it, but there will be some bullying.**

**Chapter One:**

The first time it happened, I'd told my fathers of it, that dad's beloved sister would die in a car crash, they thought I was joking. She was visiting us for a weekend in Columbia to shop and as she hugged me I saw it. I knew what was coming when I rode with her to the grocery store to get snacks, begged my fathers not to let us go but we did and as we passed the red car that starts it all I gave my aunt a bittersweet smile and told her I loved her, she smiled at me in the mirror.

I heard the screech and knew what was coming, opened my mouth to warn my aunt like I did the first few times with my fathers and her, but I was too late. The motorcycle smashed into the driver side door as it swerved to miss the red car of a mom who had ran the red light trying to calm her young child. I heard the crunch of metal and felt more than saw the glass airbags deployed and then all I saw was white before I turned to my aunt, blood was pouring out of her head, her eyes were closed and the smile she had given me was still on her face. She never saw the bike coming, never saw her demise coming, but I did.

I was brought out of my memory as Tina sat down next to me, I had debated telling Tina of my visions as we became best friends but learned from past mistakes that nothing good comes from a secret revealed. We shared a small smile as we worked on our Spanish, Mr. Schuester, the current Spanish teacher, who is okay but not great is discussion preterite forms. "_Clase,_ what does _comiste_ mean in English?"

I let out a roll of my eyes as he said two words in Spanish, it might help if he spoke fluent sentences in Spanish. He looked around a bit before his eyes fell on me, "Rachel, could you tell us the meaning of_ comiste_?"

"_Comer_ is to eat, _comiste_ is the preterite_ tu_ form of _comer._" I answer this with a sullen face hating the attention I get when teachers call on me, due to the fact that half the class turns to hear me speak, most surprised by my voice as I don't speak much, having learned that when you speak things can be taken out of hand and words have consequences.

He beams at me, "Thank you Rachel," as he turns to write another word on the board the intercom calls for him to report to Principal Figgins office as Sue Sylvester, cheerleading coach from hell, or so I've heard, walks in. She gives a smirk as he frowns before apologizing and leaving.

"Alright you bunch of ingrates grab a book and read through it, cheerios come to the front desk to discuss the new routine, I don't plan on teaching you all a language I don't know." Everyone groans and whines before grabbing a thick Spanish 2 transition to Spanish 3 book, a paper flies towards my desk and lands lightly on my book.

I sigh before opening it, "The mute speaks! The world is ending, everyone's gonna die!" was barely legible across. I visible flinch at the mention of death before I roll my eyes and got up to throw it away, watching as the boys on the far let laugh. Finn, a giant of a boy and quarterback of the football team gives me an apologetic smile. I'd seen his death once accidentally. It happened when I slipped on a puddle of water after school, as he prevented my fall, my forearm and his hand touched for all of 10 seconds before he thought I was balanced enough and asked if I was alright.

It had taken me a moment to get out of my haze before I'd smiled and thanked him, he walked me to my car stating he didn't want me to fall again, that his mother 'raised him to be a gentleman, as old as it sounded'. I knew his mother raised him right when I saw his death. He dies at 4:32 a.m. on May 5, by gunfire. Bullets rip into his shoulders and torso, blood bursts out of his body through new holes, only a grunt of pain as he saved his squad mate, Karofsky, who was shot in the leg. He is in Afghanistan, he will be twenty-six the day he dies, nine years from now Finn Hudson's heart will stop beating.

I smiled at him, letting him know it was fine. We'd become friends after the puddle incident, he'd told me his dreams of going to the army like his father was before him, but his grades were lacking and his mother forbade him to join unless he got his grades up. So I helped tutor him per his request. I knew I could never change the future, one way or another he would join the army and he would die. Death will always be there haunting even the happiest moments. Death was inevitable.

His grades went up and soon teachers were double checking his paper, watching him like a hawk and finally when they realized he wasn't cheating they asked him what changed. He told them about me and teachers offered me community service hours and extra credit to tutor kids at our school, they spoke to my fathers about it and my fathers thought it would help so they said I would do it.

* * *

Class was almost over as the cheerios finished going over their new routine, half the students were finishing homework for other classes, some were having a game of trash can basketball, but everyone was quiet as Sue had yelled at them twice for the noise level. The bell rang and everyone rushed to get to lunch. Finn waited for me along with Tina, Tina had accepted mine and Finn's friendship easily, she even helps him with his homework when I can't.

He begs us to explain a math problems to him and I see Tina get this mischievous glint in her eye, "So I'm Asian and you immediately assume I know math, Finn Hudson I didn't think you were that pigheaded and racist." I smirk slightly at the look of utter horror and fear on Finn's face.

"N-no, Tina, I didn't mean it that way, it's just that you guys are way smarter than me an-and I don't get this. I'm not racist, wait what's racist mean?" Finn is a very naive boy, he doesn't get things sometimes.

Tina is laughing her quiet giggle before she speaks, "I was only kidding Finn, it was a joke, and of course we'll help you with your homework. And racist is when someone believes that one race is superior to others, like thinking that Caucasian white people Finn," She explains to him as she sees his confused look, "are better than Asian or that African Americans are better than Latin people." He visible calms after she says he was kidding, he hates the thought of anyone being mad at him.

He lets out an 'oh' at the explanation, then a 'thank you'. We walked towards the cafeteria in comfortable silence before Finn begins to hum a song. Tina starts to hum softly next to him, their hums mingling softly together creating a wonderful harmony. Finn nudges me, and I shove on his ribs with my shoulder, but he grins looks at Tina and they begin to hum louder, both of them nudging me trying to get me to hum along.

When I finally do Finn's grin almost breaks his face before he starts to sing the song we were just humming, the halls are empty, causing his confidence to rise along with his voice. _"I'm not the one who's lost with no direction oh, but you won't ever see, you're so busy making maps, with my name on them in all caps. You got the talkin' down, just not the listening. And who cares if you disagree._" He stops singing as we come up to the cafeteria door, he hold them open to us, his grin still on his face, and we walk in, I stand in line with them as they get their trays, Finn's is stuffed full of food but I am happy to see vegetables on there instead of dessert.

Finn had been working on his endurance so he could be ready for the army, he began to eat healthier. He sat with us randomly and sometimes he sat with the other football players, today he sat with us. We were an odd group, somehow Finn made our table a little brighter, could be the fact that he is a goofball and could make anyone laugh at his odd comments and honest confusion.

We were discussing random topics when it happened, Mike Chang, fast on the football field and ability to move with a grace only a dancer possesses. Finn smiled at him as Tina and I looked on in confusion, Finn looked between us before it dawned on him. "Oh, Tina, Rachel, this is my friend Mike, we play Call of Duty together, he's good." I smiled at Mike before he reached his hand out for us to shake.

"Hi," He lets a grin slid across his face as he shakes Tina's then he shakes mine which I reluctantly give up to his much bigger hand. He has an honest grin and kind eyes, "You guys don't mind if I sit here do you?" As Tina and I shake our heads, his smile grows then he begins to eat.

As the awkwardness disappears thanks to Finn pulling all of us into the conversation, I find myself relaxing and feel Tina relax as her anxious stuttering stops. We discuss many thing from Mike's love of dancing which he reluctantly mentions when Tina's questions his foot tapping, to Tina's love of vampire novels due to having a vampire marathon at the age of 8 with her aunt, she loves all vampire movies. We soon got to the topic of my tutoring as I passed Finn some kiwi slices from my lunchbox, Mike looks incredulous as Finn picks all the seeds out, a hard task for a kiwi.

Tina smiles as she takes an already deseeded kiwi from Finn's tray before he eats one himself, tossing a few seeds at Tina for taking one of his kiwi slices. "So as I was saying, you're tutoring people now right?" He asks softly and gently.

"Yeah, teachers found out about my tutoring Finn," I am interrupted by a 'she's awesome at tutoring, my mom and teachers were shocked by my grades.' He lets out a guilty smile and 'sorry' for interrupting. Both Mike and I smile at him before continuing.

"And they asked me to tutor others, I tutor a girl after Lunch during my study hour starting this week. I haven't figured out who though, why?" I ask Mike as Tina and Finn begin to discuss why vampires in Twilight didn't burn, Finn said he'd watched enough movies and read actual books on vampire and didn't get why they didn't burn.

"Because I tutor during sixth hour, figured we could help eachother out but you have fifth hour study. I can still help you out if needed, they have an assigned study room and you'll be the only people in there so its easier to tutor." He explains before we watch Finn's face turn to confusion.

"Vegetarian but they drink animal blood, how's that vegetarian? Rachel, vegetarian is when you don't eat animals right?" He looks honestly confused as the bell rings and I nod my head yes before Tina tells him she'll finish explaining it to him later.

Mike walks me to the study room before bidding me goodbye. I sit down in a seat and wait for the girl to walk in, I hear two sets of feet before the door opens, a math teacher tells Brittany this is her new study hour and she needs to come here everyday. The teacher hands me some paperwork before leaving us alone.

I spot the cheerios uniform, before asking for the tall blonds name. "Brittany, I don't understand why i'm here, I usually go to coaches office to practice but they sent me here." She shifts before she asks, "You're not gonna drink my blood right, cuz people say Tina's a vampire and you hang out with her, so you have to be one too."

"No Brittany, we aren't vampire, and i'm here to help you with your classes and homework." She smiles before sitting down, I notice she taps her feet to an unknown beat like Mike, her movements are fluid and sure. I look over at her papers as she shifts, as I look over them I realize most of them are blank or almost blank with her name across the top in precise lettering. The math problems are scrawled out neatly, most of the solving starts off right, before stopping halfway through the second or first step of solving. My head begins to evaluation the half scrawled work and almost empty paper work. Everything starts off great, and right then just stops.

"Brittany, i'm going to ask you to solve a problem for me okay?" She smile confused before nodding, I believe she understands everything at first but the teacher begins moving to fast and loses Brittany. I choose a completed problem from the worksheet and she does it right without any mistakes. I tell her its right and she lets out a happy shocked squeal.

I begin to delve into explaining math to her, catching her up on everything that she had missed the first 3 months of junior year. She catches on quickly as long as you explain it. Soon the 45 minutes are up and she is caught up through almost all three months worth of problems, I've only had to explain the problems once before she got it. It was shocking because the teacher had put a note in the folder explaining that she thought Brittany didn't care enough to pay attention in class.

I couldn't wait to see her face when Brittany passed the next test, "Brittany, you're almost caught up, and I would like to know if you want me to help you after cheerios practice so you are caught up in all your classes." She looks at me shyly

"You actually want to help me, most people stop after the first time, I didn't annoy you at all?" She has a sad look on her face as she questions me. It breaks my heart as I think of why someone would stop helping her, I mean she has some quirky traits, like doodling cats on her paper, but they never distracted her from the work. She also has to focus more on word problems and will tune you out as she reads them, she only gets more frustrated as you speak while she tries to read. She also has the habit of humming very loudly and miny dancing in her seat along with intricate foot tapping. Which would probably annoy the most patient teacher but it what makes this unique girl herself and I can't find it in my heart to dislike that.

"Yeah, I don't think the teachers understand how to help you but I think I might, would you like me to help?" She nods vigorously before bouncing up to pull me into a hug, I flinch as I pray all my skin is covered. She looks at me confused and heartbroken at my flinching before I find it in myself to lightly hug her back, barely even touching her but she beams before thanking me.

I gather up all of my stuff as she places hers in her bag based on color, it is in the orders of the rainbow, which makes me smile before Brittany thanks me again before heading to her history class, the teacher had given me her schedule to let me know what classes she was taking, which is kind of creepy for the teacher to do.

I make it to English class, sitting down and pulling out my notebook, I know she is having us do notes of the stages in a story. Finn sits down next to me and everyone begins taking notes, it is dead silent except for the movement of pencils against paper. Finn is furiously writing notes then stops to listen to the teacher before she moves on quickly. I know I will be giving him my notes at the end of class for him to neatly copy during his study hour. I make notes in the margin for Finn to read as he writes the notes so he will understand what the teacher is discussing.

Class continues until there are ten minutes left in class, everyone groans in relief as we finish writing notes. She gives us pages to read out of the textbook for tomorrow, Mrs. Lite is one of the strictest teacher in this school. I realize Brittany has the same teacher and the she must be lost in here to.

As we finish reading and the bell rings I give my notebook to Finn, before we split ways. I head to Biology, I sit down at one of the lab table shuddering as I remember dissecting a squid. I am vegan and loath hurting or killing anything. The therapists have said my veganism is an effect of my hallucination and fear of dying. They said my fear of dying projected into my brain after the car crash with my aunt.

They told my fathers I'd made up stories because of my fear and projected it into my everyday life, and the panic attacks which always caused by touching someone could be fixed with medicine and so could my hallucinations. My fear of dying caused a fear of things dying around me, which included animals, hence my aversion to animal products. That's only half truths, I don't wish for any cause of harm to come to anything living but I also have a fear of touching something dead, including meat, I'd never touched meat after my visions, because of an incident that happened when I had touched my great-grandma's hand at her funeral.

I believed that since she had died I wouldn't be able to see her death, that I could hold her hand one last time before her burial. I was wrong, her death flashed before my eyes, and the events before her death. She was ninety-eight and was perfectly healthy for her age, she'd played Bingo with her friends, called my father to wish him good luck on his upcoming interview for a promotion. She'd made food that day for the soup kitchen and took it over there, she was happy when she died there was no blood, no trouble, no pain. I watched stuck, as she went to sleep, her dog Lonny curling into her as if he knew what was coming. I watched her take her last breathe, Lonny, licking her hand lovingly as she inhaled, a peaceful look was on my great-grandmothers face and Lonny let out a long low whine of sadness.

I was thrust back to the present tears streaming down my face, my daddy comforted me careful not to touch any exposed skin. I had freaked once or twice when they tried to hold my hand or move my hair out of my face. The therapist always had an excuse for my problems, none of them were right except the fear of touching skin to skin.

I see Brittany walk in with another cheerio, pinkys linked, she was undoubtedly beautiful, they both were, but I had no idea what the darker girls name was. I didn't know half the students in this school because I kept to myself as much as possible, fear of getting close to someone then seeing their death, but somehow Tina and Finn managed to crawl and crack their way to my heart, even though I knew Finn's death I could never regret being his friend or Tina's.

Brittany spots me before waving enthusiastically, the other girl glares at me and they both walk towards their lab station. The hour continues slowly as we watch a video on sharks. I see Brittany whisper something into the other cheerio's ear. The darker girl gives a confused look then begins to giggle as quietly as bell ring and everyone including the teacher rush out of the room, happy to have the day over with.

I turn around to turn in a worksheet that needed to be turned in at the beginning of class, spaced out until I see a flash of blond and black hair. Brittany and the other cheerio are still in the classroom and they look like they're waiting on me. I turned the paper in and the darker girl, i'm guying Latin Mexican or mixed race, with a scowl on her face walks up to me.

"Okay, listen good and don't speak, Brittany told me your tutoring her, i'm not going to make her stop seeing your creepy ass because she likes you and you actually listen to her and help her but so help me, if you even think about hurting her you're dead, got me_ perra_?" She is glaring at me but in her eyes isn't hatred, only fear and worry of my involvement in Brittany's life and love for the dancer behind her.

"I am not cruel enough to hurt someone as kind as Brittany, and I do not doubt that you would kill me..?" I left a question mark on the end hoping she would get the hint, she did.

"It's Santana. Wait how in the hell do you not know my name, i'm hot and a cheerleader, everyone should know my name." She looks put-of at the thought of me not knowing her name, I get the sense that millions of people will know her name in the future, and that she hates being ignored or unknown.

I smile before answering, "Sorry for not knowing your name, I don't know many people in this school, I tend to keep to myself." She looks confused but she accepts it. "Brittany if you want to study tonight where would you like to go?"

"Oh, I wanna see what a vampires house looks like, where's your house at?" As she says vampire Santana looks away blushing a bit in guilt. Most people would think it rude of Brittany to say this but I find it quiet funny and give her my address before we bid eachother goodbye.

**A/N: I don't know the pairing of this story yet, I know its not going to be Finn and Rachel, I like them as friends in this story, I was trying to write another chapter of Things Are Never as They Seem but this popped into my head and forced me to write it out, hopefully I can continue both stories, let me know what you think :) Thanks for reading. Review if you can.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, none of the songs mentioned, or the tv show, nothing is mine.**

**A/N: Some of the characters are OOC, and sorry for that but I believe the events in this story would change people and picture some instances and people differently. Also there is no slushying in the school, I believe most schools wouldn't tolerate it, but there will be some bullying.**

**Chapter Two:**

The clock had just hit 6:30 when I heard my doorbell ring. Daddy is working a late shift at the hospital, and my dad is in the shower so I move down the stairs to answer the door. Stranding in all her cheerio's glory and with the sun as a halo behind her head is Brittany, her white teeth flashing happily. She greets me with a hug and walks right into my house without a backwards glance. I am still immobile from the hug thanking any other being that may be out there and my overly cautious nature that I still had my skin covered. "Where are we going to study, do you have any cats? Wait do cats hate vampires?"

I am pulled out of my shock before I start laughing. "No Brittany, I don't have a cat and I have no idea if they like vampires or not but I am not a vampire." Somehow Brittany manages to bring a light into whatever room she enters much like Finn Does.

"Ohh, okay that good cuz I have a cat, Lord Tubbington, and next time we're going to my house and I didn't want him to be afraid." She quickly heads over to the couch as she finishes talking and flops down on it. I figured making herself at home in a random person's house is one of her quirks so I smile and sit on the other couch which is set up in an L shape.

"Alright Brittany we can study until you wish to leave, have you eaten yet? And what do you need help with?" I look at her bag which looks to be almost empty except for a rectangular box shape. I quickly deduced that she didn't bring any of her work.

"No I just got done with Cheerios practice and had Santana drop me off here." She looks forlorn as she looks in her bag a frown quickly mares her pale face. "I left my stuff in Santana's car." she is full blown pouting before the doorbell rings. I rush to answer the door figuring it to either be Santana, Finn and Tina or a solicitor.

It was Santana and she has a bag full of books which she hands over to me before smiling at Brittany who was behind me, before Brittany rushed forward and hugged her. Santana is apologizing and mutters something about late for dinner. I looked at Santana confused before Brittany explained that tonight is Lopez family dinner night.

I quickly nod before we continue to the living room, after thirty minutes of finishing today's math homework we start on English and I realize that she has the same problem she had in math, she has to focus on the words and can't listen while reading. I watched as she read the passage concentration on her face. I tapped her on the shoulder and quickly asked her to spell the man walked his dog as I wrote it and told her to do it quickly.

Her letters came out fast " W-A-N, M-A-L-K-E-D, H-I-S, B-O-G." She looked confused as she tried to piece together what she just spelled.

"Brittany," I started out gently not knowing how she would take this, I remember reading about dyslexia and many other things that came with it and I realized all of Brittany's quirks were an adaptation to her possible dyslexia, the organizing binders in rainbow order, a way to stay organized were most are usually disorganized. "I think I know why you have problems in your classes, it explain almost everything you have a problem with." She looks confused yet hopeful. "I think you have dyslexia Brittany, it explains why you can do so well on some things in math and history and why you can't do other in the same classes, it explains why you may be failing English."

"I, I have dyslexia? How come no one told me this before, what is it?" She looks so lost and I quickly explain everything to her, the mixing of the words, her problems in math, the reason she misses everything as she tries to decipher the words that are written out in each class's test. A look of understanding passes her face as I explain everything as efficiently and quickly as I can. Telling her my father could help her understand this better if she wanted him to, she agreed quickly. The clock chimes 7:30 and I look up at it before my front door opens and my daddy walks in.

"Hey pumpkin." He gives me a tired loving smile as his hand hovers over my hair not quite touching it but enough to know that it was there, before he drops it with a sad look and directs his attention to Brittany whom he looks at curiously. I explain the situation as does Brittany before we are interrupted for a very late dinner. We continue to discuss Brittany's possible dyslexia and ways to help her. My daddy, Leroy is animated as he talks to Brittany, and as me and my dad, Hiram, chime in. I see the smiles on their faces they are happy, dinners are usually quite with chatter about our day, sometimes I talk and sometimes I don't. I know that acting the way I act tears them apart, and I can't help but feel guilty but when I sit at dinner and have nothing to do, nothing to keep me busy, the thoughts and the peoples deaths I have seen flash through my head and I retreat into my head willing them to stop.

We quickly finish dinner and as I help Brittany with her other classes my father, Leroy, is scribbling furiously on a notepad, which he hands to me explaining that it is a note, one for each of Brittany's teachers. I ask him about discussing this with her parents and he explain that while we were working on her history worksheet he had called them and explained everything.

The minutes passed as we continued to help Brittany with her homework. We had the same classes, I could help her with all of them because I had them before her except for Biology II and English, but I could help her with English after school and I share Biology with her. I quickly worked up a schedule for her homework and when we would do each subject, making sure she was fine with everything. She was happy, her smile breaking across her face as we explained everything to her and that we would help in any way.

The clock struck nine and my daddy headed off to bed tired with the days events and I figured that since we had finished everything that I could take Brittany home so she could have time to herself, I apologized for keeping her from her house so long but she wouldn't accept it, just kept thanking me. She turned up the music in my car a I laughed as she danced around in the car, her seat-belt limiting her movement. I saw a flash of lights diagonally to my left and my mind flashed back to my aunt's death the lights bringing back the memory full blast, screaming that wasn't originally in the wreck brought me back and I swerved out of the way of the red truck that had run a stop light. My heart was beating erratically and Brittany was looking at the road in fear, her grip on my dashboard tight enough to make her knuckles turn white.

We were pulled over on the side of the road, the only sound was the music continuing to pulse out of my stereo, a reminder that everything was still continuing even though I was stuck somewhere in between past and present. I couldn't seem to focus on anything until I felt something touch my lips I jolted away from the touch, not even having enough time to see the person's death, to get trapped in their demise, all I saw was what was right in front of me. Brittany's finger that was suspended in the air, with something red on the tip of it. It hit me that it was blood and I searched Brittany for an injury before she pointed at my lips. My bottom lip was bleeding from biting it, i quickly rubbed the blood away, before checking Brittany for injuries again and asking if she was alright.

"I'm okay, the truck came out of nowhere, you're bleeding, go to my house please." She was silent after that looking at me in worry. I focused on the road making sure nothing else happened. As I pulled into her driveway, she unbuckled her seat belt, unbuckled mine, took the keys out of the ignition and walked around to my side of the car. I stared at her confused until she opened my door and grabbed my hand, I tried to pull out of her grip but she was stronger than I thought. I struggled more, which was causing her to grip my hand tighter as she practically dragged me inside her house. "Calm down Rachel I just want my dad to bandage you up." I freak out even more until a tall blonde man walks into where we arm, he gives Brittany a loving smile, then amusement causes his eyes to crinkle.

"Brit, sweetheart, let the poor girls hand go, she looks like she's about to have a heart attack." She did as she was told. "What happened to your lip sweetheart?" He looks at me with kind eyes before he shows me his hand then slowly reaches for my face i quickly flinch back and get behind Brittany. HE looks confuse before asking Brittany how this happened again, A look akin to anger crossing his face as he looks at my lips again. She explains and he calms down slightly. "Sweetheart, I'm just gonna look at your lip, it looks pretty deep, i'm not gonna hurt you."

He reaches for my face again and I flinch back. "Sorry, I just don't like being touched." He gives me a look that say I get it, but I will look at your injury somehow. I sigh. "You can look at it but can you please put on some gloves before you do." He nods before he leaves.

He comes back with a first aid kit as he puts gloves on and then reaches for my face I hold in the flinch knowing I won't touch skin to skin. Understanding seem to flash through his eyes as he realizes I don't flinch away again. He gives me a clean bill of health as he puts some type of antibiotic cream that can be ingested on my lip. "You should be fine, it might leave a scar and will be sore for a while." He winks at me, "But what do I know, i'm not a doctor, for all I know your lip may fall off tonight." He chuckles at his joke before I smile.

I say goodbye to Brittany and her father before I head to the door, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I am then tackled into a bone crushing hug. I flinch away from Brittany, but gently pat her back so I don't upset her. She puts me down, smile and runs up the stairs yelling goodbye.

I drive home focusing on the road and before I know it i'm at my house, I quietly get out of my car and head into my house stopping by my parents room to mutter a good night and then jump into the shower to wash away today events. The hot water burns my lip but I accept it. The burn of it keeping me awake for now. I quickly finish and pull my wet hair up and get dressed in pj's, long socks pulled over sweats and gloves pulled over a long sleeve shirt, my face the only thing bare. I was heading to bed early. My clock says it is almost ten. I lay in bed and stare at the clock. The numbers blur out of focus and I am deposited into a random moment inside my own prison of a head.

I hear the bullets and quickly realize that I am witnessing Finn's death again. I look around and watch the entire field. I see soldiers running, some falling and some unmoving. I spot the bullet that tears the muscle in Karofsky's leg apart. It whizzes past me and buries itself into the leg. I see the blood spurt and I watch as Finn rushes to his aid, as I watch the bullets heading towards Finn, I decide to intervene, maybe I can stop them, just this once maybe I can stop his death. Something placed me here, everything feels real, like i'm actually there, not witnessing it but living it. I look down as my cloths as I rush to Finn, I'm in an army uniform, Berry is written across my left chest. The Berry soon is stained red as the bullets hit me, I got in front of Finn in just the nick of time. I let a bittersweet smile cross my face as I turn around. Finn was laying on the ground, bleeding and breathing heavily, Karofsky, holding his hand and thanking him. Karofsky hands Finn a picture before he uses both his hands to stop the bleeding. It doesn't work, he bleeds out I look at my watch which seems to have been hit by a bullet, blood is dripping off of it as its hands are stuck on 4:32. I scream in sadness, frustration and pain as I stumble over to him wanting to reach out and hug him. The last thing I see in my head before I am jolted awake is the picture in his hands. It's Finn in his uniform along with a beautiful blonde woman and three children, two dark haired twins, one a boy and one a girl, looking to be three years old, and a tiny little blonde baby in Finn's arms. She looks so tiny, maybe three months old. I look at the date and it is dated four months before his death. More sobs rip through my body as I think of Finn leaving behind his family.

A wheezing sound enters my ears and a rough sobbing, I can't figure out where it is coming from until I see my fathers looking at me. Daddy is making movements with his hands, like he does when he wants someone to breath for him, and talking to me softly but I can't hear him outside of the gunfire and my wheezing. Dad is on the phone nodding his head and muttering in quick frantic sentences. Daddy grabs a blanket and wraps me up in it, as he goes to pick me up I struggle at the thought of seeing his death but the warmth of the blanket takes me back to the warmth I felt running across the field and the burning sensation I felt across my chest as the bullets ripped through me and straight to Finn. My sobbing intensifies and I do the one thing I haven't done since this all started I clung to my father hugging him tight and sobbing my eyes out.

He hugs me tighter and his familiar scent comforts me as much as it can, with images of death running through my head. Tears are still streaming down my face as we head to the hospital in my dad's car, my wheezing continues as if I can't catch my breath, much like Finn couldn't. My hands are immobile at my side held down by my father for some unknown reason. They continue to talk but I can't hear them over the sound of wheezing. The light of the hospital flash across my eyes and I close them before I open them in terror, Finn's dead face showing the second I closed my eyes.

We're in the emergency room and as they set me on a stretcher a nurse goes to touch me, I roll off of it and back myself into a corner. She approaches me slowly showing me her gloves, DeLaney, I remember her, she's been my nurse since the tenth trip here, I can trust her. I grab her gloved hand and she helps me onto the stretcher, I rock back and forth, the wheezing still loud and clear. She pushes me into a private room and tells my dads to wait outside, I'm assuming since we are alone. I see her lips moving but hear nothing. She grabs my face, I can see the words forming on her lips. 'Rachel, look at me focus on me, slow deep breathes.'

I listen to her and slowly my hearing comes back, my breathing evens out. "at's it Rach. Its going to be okay focus on me, you're not there, you're awake and you're in Lima hospital, you are not trapped wherever you were." She's the nicest nurse I had, she knew how to pull me out of my terror fits as doctors would call them. She could bring me back, which is why they assigned her to me or me to her whichever way that goes.

She slowly removes me from the blanket and asks me to take my gloves and shirts off, I look down and search for bullet holes, i see none as I take off my shirt, left in a bra and sweats. She looks over me before taking alcohol and rubbing it across my left shoulder and neck it stings and I look at her confused. "Rach while you were asleep, whatever it was or where ever your were must have been horrible, you were clawing at your chest and neck. You went pretty deep on some of them."

* * *

I layed in the hospital bed, suck in hospital gown. My fathers sleeping in the chairs around my bed and the clock read 5:45. Sleep wouldn't come to me as I kept picturing Finn's death, soon Finn's death bleed into other peoples deaths that i had witnessed from touch, blurring together into one huge movie of deaths. DeLaney came in to check on me at six and i perked up as I saw her, being stuck in the hospital bed was making me go crazy. "Laney, when can I go home, I have school today." She looked at me an apology taking over her features.

"The doctors wanna keep you for observation again, they want to make sure you won't have another episode." She smiled apologetically at me

"Please Laney, you know they won't find anything, its the same as the other time, a bad nightmare, just a nightmare." I look at her pleading with my eyes and words.

"I can try to talk to them Rachel, but your fathers wanted to keep you her too, and the doctors have to sign you out, i'll try to get them to let you go to school to keep your mind off of things, but i'll tell them you'll come back right after school okay?" I nodded enthusiastically. I wake my fathers as DeLaney left, reasoning with them and resorting to begging. They agreed as long as I came back after school and didn't drive.

**A/N: SO sorry for the wait, I feel horrible and have no excuse other than writers block, this is a filler chapter of sorts I guess, I'll try to update this story and Things Are Never As They Seem. As soon as I can. Sorry for the wait **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, none of the songs mentioned, or the tv show, nothing is mine.**

**A/N: Some of the characters are OOC, and sorry for that but I believe the events in this story would change people and picture some instances and people differently. Also there is no slushying in the school, I believe most schools wouldn't tolerate it, but there will be some bullying.**

**A/N: VOTE- BABY-GATE or NO BABY-GATE (AKA Quinn having Beth or not)**

**Chapter 3:**

My fathers rushed me home to take a shower and change my clothes. As I get dressed after a very painful shower I look in the mirror and spot ten lines running across my left shoulder, five to the right five to the left and many smaller lines and cuts across my left shoulder and chest, five lines run from the left part of my neck, right under my chin to connect with the five lines running to the right. They hurt and stand out against my chest, I turn around slowly to see five lines running across the back of my left shoulder. I run through my head trying to figure out what made me scratch at myself like that, was I trying to get the bullets that ripped through me in my dream out. I was brought out of my stupor by a knock on my door. I shook my head, the doctors said people who live in their nightmares tend to harm themselves, but mine wasn't a nightmare, it was reality and it would happen.

I finish getting dressed, I have grey sweats on which are tucked into black ugg boots and I have a loose long sleeve black shirt on with long black gloves on. I can see the bandages peeking out from my shirt, the one down the left side of my neck and collarbone. I quickly grab a grey scarf and a black hoodie, rushing out of the house, I left my hair down to cover any bandage not hidden by my clothing.

My fathers looked at me as I rushed down the stairs, "Your lucky its cold, you'd die of heat stroked if you went out like that in the summer. C'mon lets get you to school before the bell rings." They drive me to school music melodiously filling the background before we arrive at the school. I look at them and think of what the went through. I focused on my lips, trying to figure out if they would cause me to see their deaths, but my face hadn't had any problems with touching and neither have my lips for the past three years so I dropped a quick kiss on one of their cheeks and said goodbye and that I love them, before I rushed out of the car. I didn't miss their shocked but happy faces.

As I rush into the school my hoodie tucked into my left elbow, I wrapped the scarf around my neck loosely, heading to my locker. Tina is rummaging through hers and Finn is at his speaking to someone with a mohawk. I quickly switch my books out for the ones in my math and history book. Tina smiles at me and walks over, shoving two binders into her backpack. "Hey Rach, how'd studying with Brittany go?"

"It was okay, I helped her get most of her works done, I should be able to help her get more done today." I let a small smile cross my face. Tina looks down at my neck before moving her hands slowly towards my scarf. I tense up somewhat knowing she knows I hate to be touched. She moves my scarf around a little bit.

"Your bandage was showing. Another rough night?" She looks at me worried but doesn't question me as I nod and say thanks. that what I like about Tina, she doesn't question to much. She had seen me on the days after many horrible nights and times when I burst into tears at what I had seen.

We walk to class silently, me to math where she leaves me with a smile and a squeeze on my hand. I sit through math next to Finn, who furiously pays attention and takes notes when needed, ignoring the background noise of the other football players. The math class passed quickly as we only went over some problems we were learning yesterday. Finn walked next to me in silence, like he knew I didn't want to talk. As I walked into my history class, Finn left me with a small encouraging smile before he left for weights class.

History passed in a blur of notes and powerpoint presentation on the Cold War, before I knew it the bell rang and I gathered my stuff, keeping my distance from people. I walked into Chemistry and sit down. A wave of tiredness hits me and I slowly lay my head on the lab table, my eyes fluttering and vision of the classroom blurring. Right as I enter a dream of death, a home alarm is screeching in my ear, I am forced awake by a dull yet loud thud of a book hitting the table.

The kid now sitting in front of me is chattering to his friend in an excited way, his hands moving in wide over exaggerated gestures. I can't make out what he is saying but relief and gratitude pools out of my body at this unknown boy awakening me from my torture. I feel more than see someone sit next to me, I turn my head slowly to the side and black finger-less gloves greet me. I follow them up the person's arm to a black t-shirt, two necklaces clanking together as the person shift, against their chest. My eyes slowly follow the necklaces to black hair containing purple highlights, to my first true friend, Tina's, face. Her eye crinkle as she looks at me in worry before giving me a soft smile of encouragement and understanding.

I feel my face try to respond to her smile out of habit, but my face reflects my true feeling and comes out as a half grimence half smile. She raises her left eyebrow before bumping my shoulder with hers in a friendly way, conveying her help, concern and presence without actually touching me to much. Another reason that Tina has cracked the shields around my lonely heart, she knows how to help me without actually doing anything spectacular. We take notes in Chemistry, learning about how to draw dot diagrams with different compounds. Everytime my brain tries to return to this morning's dream or the one that began before class started, Tina brings me out of it, asking for help on things I know she knows. Listening to me patiently as I explain why Carbon has four dots instead of many more. As I explain these things to her, my mind soon forgets the deaths and focuses on Chemistry along with Tina's friendly and questioning voice.

The bell rings and Tina spouts random stories about her younger brother and his crazy schemes, like when he thought his aunt was going to be abducted by aliens after watching an alien movie. He made her wear a foil helmet everytime he saw her and he would check her for prob marks on her neck, elbows and arms. A smile was splitting my face apart as I burst into laughter as Tina explain the perfect foil helmet making technique her brother had perfected. We arrived in Spanish and like the rest of my day it flew by relatively fast until the bell rang and we were free to eat lunch.

Tina and I walk to lunch alone together as Finn had to stay behind to talk to Mr. Schue about something. We walk in comfortable silence before I follow Tina and walk with her through the line, I bring my lunch everyday due to my veganism. As Tina grabs her tray and begins to put food on there some football players in front of us stumble during their horsing around and a plate of food lands all over Tina and a huge football player he looks around for a minute and I see him looking at his football friends. Knowing what's coming next because I know that look, its the look that is searching for acceptance and he is going to go off on Tina like everyone expects him to, so that he will be accepted by the football team.

I grab Tina's hand, hoping she understands that it means i'm here for her and I feel her clutch onto my hand so I gently squeeze hers. "Are you blind?! I should make you clean everything, I mean seriously, I know you're a stupid goth but I didn't think you were stupid enough to dump food on me." He glares at her as the cafeteria remains silent except for the hidden chuckling of the football players behind the messy boy.

"I-I- It was an accident, I-I." She stutters in her nervousness and the boy looks like a lion about to pounce on a gazelle.

"What are you to stupid to form sentences, I thought Asians were smart. Guess that's another wrong fact." He grins as he steps forward in a threatening manner, he is bigger than both of us and Tina looks scared, I grip her hand in mine and take a small step in front of her. She's helped me through many things its only right that I help her. He looks at me in shock then his face becomes a mask. "What, are you gonna speak mute, protect your friend here, huh lezzie? Holding hand like that, disgusting."

"It was an accident and was your fault, you clearly bumped into her. You were screwing around with your friends and bumped into her. She said she was sorry when she clearly didn't have to apologize. And keep your bigot comments to yourself, neanderthal." I felt Tina's fingers grip my hand tighter than necessary when I began to speak, after I finished speaking I realized what I said and that there would most likely be consequences for talking back to him, but this school hierarchy was completely and utterly stupid. The boys face turned bright red in embarrassment at the other football players jeers and in anger at me.

He went to step closer threateningly before I felt someone jump to stand in front of me and Tina. I saw the school colors and moved my eyes up a tall and lean body to see dark hair and ethnic skin, Mike Chang had jumped in front of us. "Back off, they didn't do anything wrong." Tension fills the small space we are in and I spot the cashier who rings up the students food leave the room. The boy steps forward with one huge step until he is chest to chest with Mike.

"What're ya gonna do about it Chang?" He goes to shove Mike but is stopped as he spots Finn move up beside Mike. Finn should not be here, he shouldn't be caught fighting it will affect his school record which could affect his entrance into the army. I go to grab his arm but Mike says something to him that has Finn looking pissed but he steps off to the side his hands wringing into fist as he stares at us apologetically.

It looks as if its only the boy with food all over him against Mike, the second Finn had stepped forward most of the football boys had backed off. As they continued to stare each other down Mike reaches behind him grabs mine and Tina's joined hands, I don't flinch because Tina tightens her grip on my hand comforting me as Mike grips our hand and slowly walks us to our table, he does so without looking back and Finn falls into step behind us before we all sit down. After I sit down next to Tina and across from Mike I turn to see the boy looking at us before he turns around, on the back of his jacket is Karofsky. My eyes widen as I connect the last name from Finn's death to this boy. I couldn't see Karofsky's face in Finn's death but it had to be him. Finn saves a boy he seems to dislike now. I feel the blood drain from my face in horror but pride that Finn would be the better man.

Finn gives me a comforting smile and I look towards Mike and thank him quietly as does Tina. He rubs the back of his neck in an embarrassed tick before stating that is was nothing. As he says this the cashier comes back in with a random teacher and I remember that during lunch today there was a staff meeting. They both look around for a minute as I turn and spot Brittany looking at me along with Santana from a table full of red and white uniforms. Santana quickly looks away but Brittany gives me a smile that could light up the whole world. I smile back at her, calm invades my body as she smiles at me, the horror and panic I felt from Karofsky slowly bleed out of my body before Brittany turns away from me as Santana says something.

I turn to see Mike offering Tina some of his food, she accepts after Mike's third try. Finn and I offer Tina some of our food also. Normal lunch topic arise after a few minutes of awkward conversation. The awkwardness vanishes because Finn managed to choke on his milk laughing at something Mike had mentioned. As Finn offers to take everyone's trash, Mike and Tina begin talking about favorite topics, Mike dancing and Tina vampire movies. Soon they switch to Tina's tap dancing and Mikes inability to sit through an entire movie. "They're always predictable! I guess everything before the end." I laugh at Mike explanation for the lack of movie watching.

The bell rings and we each head to our own classes. I spot Brittany heading in the wrong direction before Santana begins talking to her, she then leads Brittany to me and leaves us without a word but her pinky slowly slips out of Brittany's, hooked together until the last second, waiting until the last inch where Santana's arm will be out of reach.

Brittany and I begin to go over all her work slowly, I help her with many problems until she understands them, she needs to be caught up on the past three months before she can be close to ready for today's work. My daddy had sent a note to each of her teacher explaining her problem and some had delayed the due dates on her paper by a few days so she can catch up. She was already caught up in math due to yesterdays studying along with most of English. I briefly explain today's History lesson and we slowly begin to go over three months of history, only the topics she would need to pass the first few test she had failed. "You're going to come to my house after school, right Rachel?"

I can practically feel her hope radiating off of her along with a shyness that doesn't seem to fit her personality. "Yeah i'll be over there, just tell me a time." I smile at her sincerely and her smile is grateful and giddy. She practically lunges across the table at me, I stiffen once again before relaxing and slowly patting her back before she lets me go.

We continue to study and the bell rang causing me to jump and Brittany to release a soft giggle at my jumpiness. I walk her to her next class, History before I head to English. Finn greets me with a smile before he takes out his notebook and rights pop quiz on the top of a sheet of paper. He waves his eyebrows and gives me a thumbs up before the teacher tells everyone to get out a piece of paper and a pencil. The pop quiz is relatively easy as long as you had been taking notes, but I feel bad for the student who didn't bother to take notes.

A thought hits me that Brittany has this class first hour and most likely failed this quiz. The rest of the hour goes by at a slow drawn out pase, very different from the quickly passing morning classes. finally the bell rings after reading the same paragraph for the fifteenth time. I walk up to the teacher, Mrs. Lite, and begin to talk to her.

"Mrs. Lite?" She looks up at me from grading quizzes.

"Yes Miss Berry?" Her pen is set down and the paper she was grading is covered up, like she doesn't want me to see the other persons work.

"You have Brittany first hour correct?" At her nod I continue. "Did you get the note about her problem?" I look to the door making sure it is shut, not knowing if Brittany will want this to go around the school's rumor mill.

"Yes, I have received the note, but I don't see as to how this pertains to you." She removes her glasses from her face and begins to clean them before putting them back on. "Miss Pierce's work is none of your business and neither is the problem she has, so please mind your business."

I straighten up at her tone before speaking. "I am tutoring Brittany, helping her in all her classes, I know about her problems, I came up here to ask you if it is possible for her to retake quizzes, test and today's pop quiz because I know she didn't understand the past tests and most likely didn't understand today's. I can help her with everything tonight, she is mostly caught up in her classes including this one. She is very bright once she understands how to work." Mrs. Lite sighs as she rubs the bridge of her nose.

"It would not be very fair for her to be able to retake the pop quiz, it would not be fair for her to retake any of them. But since she has a problem and no one beside you had bothered to help her, if she can take the pop quiz by Friday, it will be over the same topic but will be different questions. And if she can come in in the afternoon on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of next week she can retake most of those test and quizzes then, I will give you worksheets this Friday to help with Mondays test and worksheets and notes on Monday to help with Wednesday and more on Wednesday to help with Fridays. That will give her two days to study for each one, which is what everyone else had." She quickly writes some notes down in her calendar and one on a piece of paper before handing it to me.

I smile and nod my thanks before leaving, the note she handed me is a tardy slip stating I had been with her and my lateness was to be excused. I hurried to Biology handing my note to the teacher before walking to my lab table behind Brittany and Santana. Brittany turns to look at me in worry before the lights are flashed off and a slide show is pulled up. Pictures of sharks and each difference that sets them apart from fish. As the circulatory system is being discussed by the teacher I turn my head to the left to spot the lab table next to me with two boys asleep, drooling on the table, everyones attention is either on the smartboard, their phone or the back of their eyelids. I slump into my stool leaning my elbows against the table in hopes of finding a comfortable position.

The slide bleed together as does my vision. Last night was taking its toll on me, tiredness forcing me to close my eye when all I wanted to do was stay awake, to be away from the constant reminder that I am different. The visions of death, quick or slow, each one etched into my memory telling me that I could have saved them or can save them. I shake my head and pinch my thigh hoping the slight pain will make the tiredness disappeared. It works for a few minutes but the darkness of the classroom is lulling me into sleep, telling me that if I close my eyes I will feel better, that just one minute of sleep will make me feel better. The darkness is like a false security blanket. I know that to close my eyes will bring the death but the darkness is so inviting and persuasive.

Right before my eyes finally close my body is shocked awake by light. Like a newborn seeing the sun with new eyes I blink in confusion and pain at the bright interruption. The light chases away some of my tiredness and wakes my body up like ice dropped down my shirt. I shake my head to clear the cobwebs that had settled in my haze. The teacher hands out worksheets and tells us to do them tonight before class tomorrow. Right as he finishes the bell rings and students burst out of their seats running to the door like a runner sprints to the finish line, wanting to be the first one out.

I move with a slowness that can only be accounted to a weariness and lack of sleep. Brittany smiles at me and some of the deep set tiredness disappears and my fear of the visions slowly bleeds out of my body like a poison. Brittany's smiles are like a cure for bad emotions. I smile back and move to leave but she latches onto me from behind squeezing my midsection in a vice grip. More bad emotions leave my body as I pat her arm and hear her mumble into my hair to be around her house by 6:45. I nod and tell them both goodbye.

I walk out the front doors after stopping by my locker to grab my homework. My fathers are waiting for me in the car, I begin to walk slower dreading the hospital visit I know is planned for tonight. I make it to the car and slid into the backseat. "Hi dad, daddy. Thanks for picking me up." I give them both what I hope is a happy smile, they smile back at me and turn on some soft music.

"Always pumpkin, was everything okay today? Your wounds don't hurt do they?" My daddy, Leroy, turns around from the passenger seat to look at me, worry etched into his dark face and distinguishable features. I shake my head in the negative.

"B, we have to stop by the hospital as we said this morning. The doctors still have to do some stuff." My dad, Hiram, pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a nervous habit.

"I know." My head drops sullenly as does my mood. "DeLaney said that would be the only way I could go to school today." My daddy goes to touch me in comfort but decides against it last minute. I spot my dad patting his hand in comfort. Both my fathers are affectionate people and I have derived them from being affectionate to their child. What kind of daughter am I. They are the perfect parents despite peoples beliefs on gay men marriages and having children, they would take a bullet for me, they would do anything for me. I decide from this moment that I will try to be a better daughter. I let Tina touch me and I touch Tina. I can show affection towards my fathers, I will do it slowly at first, I can do this. My inner monologue is interrupted as we pull up to the hospital.

As we head to a waiting room I spot an older version of Santana, same body type and facial structure, heading towards an office, confusion fills me. Does her mother work here? My question is answered as I spot her leaving, this time with a jacket most likely left in the office she had just visited. I swing my legs as I sit in the chair of a waiting room. An ethnic looking man enters the waiting room and takes a man who keeps shifting as if he itches someplace that needn't itch. My doctor, Dr. Lechy enters. I shiver in fear, hating all the pills he had prescribed for me, each one stronger and different than the last one that didn't work.

"Mr. and Mr. Berry, Miss Berry, come lets head to the examine room and discuss some treatments." He leads my fathers to a room with me trailing behind. "We know Rachel has had many episode and last night was a very strong one, it caused her to hurt herself." He talks to my fathers as if i'm not there, like I can't comprehend anything. "I have discussed this with some colleagues, I believe it would be best to give her some sleeping pills, she looks as if she hasn't slept in a while. They should help her sleep, we are prescribing Prosom. Normally it is not prescribed by doctors to people under the age of 18 but she is almost 17 and I believe this is the best solution. If this does not work then we have another solution. It is a treatment reserved for post traumatic stress disorder, it helps with anxiety and insomnia. I have talked with a psychologist and he agreed that if Prosom doesn't work then the next best thing is treatment for PTSD, which was most likely caused by the crash mentioned in her early childhood."

My fathers look at one another before they both nod in agreement. Fury takes over me, this doctor didn't even talk to me about this, he spoke as if I wasn't here. I go to speak out but my fathers faces which are so full of hope that it stops me for a moment but that moment is enough. They believe this will actually work and if they believe it then I am willing to try it for them even if I know it won't work, I can always fake it.

**A/N: Don't forget to vote on baby-gate and leave your thoughts :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, none of the songs mentioned, or the tv show, nothing is mine.**

**A/N: Some of the characters are a little OOC. Also there is no slushying in the school. Also no Lucy Caboosey, they tied it in to glee but it isn't going to be in this story.**

**A/N: VOTE- BABY-GATE or NO BABY-GATE (AKA Quinn having Beth or not)**

**Chapter 4: Curse or Gift**

Dr. Lechy continues to speak of side effects and I space out knowing my fathers will be taking notes and memorizing everything he says. The time seems to fly and as I look at the clock it says 5:27, we have been here for two hours. I turn to see my fathers and the doctor still speaking. I shift in my seat trying to get my fathers attention without actually interrupting them, finally my dad, Hiram looks at me, he smiles softly before speaking. "We should be done in about thirty minutes, you can walk around if you wish to, I'm sure DeLaney will be in checking on patients." I nod my head and stand up, excusing myself from the three of them both my fathers give me a soft loving smile and Dr. Lechy give me a smile that creeps me out, like i'm some toy or experiment for him to play with, my fathers do not see it due to the fact that they are looking at me.

I move to walk down the halls, staying away from the crowded places. I walk and walk listening for DeLaney's voice, I can barely hear her voice so I begin to head to that direction. DeLaney is a nurse that moves throughout the hospital like she was born to be there, she can work with any patient, deal with any wound, mental or physical. I hear her loud carefree laughter and I speed up until I look into the room she is occupying. An old man, maybe 70 or 80 by his facial structure and skin is sitting in the bed playing Candyland with DeLaney, as she moves her piece three place back the old man laugh gently and say, "I've won again Nurse De, if I didn't know you any better," he stops as a coughing fit over takes him, DeLaney smiles gently as she hands him a glass of water, after drinking he finishes his sentence, his voice a bit raspier, "I'd say you were letting me win, but seeing you playing many other games, I know Candyland just dislikes you."

Her laughter fills the room again as she hands him his glass of water, "Humphrey, you have got it right. Give me Risk or Operation and I'll beat you any day but give me Candyland and I fail."

Humphrey turns his head as he begins to laugh and spots me, "We Nurse I believe we've got a visitor." As DeLaney turns to look at me she smiles and Humphrey speaks again. "So lass what can I do for ya? Come to see me or Nurse De?" He smiles gently at me and I step further into the room.

"Well I came to see Nurse DeLaney after my meeting with my doctor but I wouldn't be opposed to see you either." I smile at him and he begins to laugh.

"I like you lass, you've got manners and are a little spitfire." He nudges DeLaney. "Though it would be nice if the nurse shall ever kindly introduce us." He grins as he says this and DeLaney laughs again.

"I suppose I could introduce you guys, Rachel this is Humphrey Reanes. Humphrey this is Rachel Berry." She smile at us, her smile threatening to break her face.

"Well Miss Berry it is a pleasure to be introduced to you." His eyes sparkle as he smiles and holds his hand out towards me.

I look at it before I take it gently, making sure my glove is secure in place, as I shake his hand I speak, "The same can be said about you Mister Reanes."

His laughter once again fills the room, "Well Miss Berry I suppose you could call me Humphrey, never did like being called Mr. Reanes."

"Then you shall call me Rachel." He smiles and starts to adjust the candy land board.

DeLaney looks at me. "Rachel I must be going, I have to finish my rounds, Would you like to keep Humphrey company?" At my nod she smiles and bids us both a farewell, she squeezes Humphrey's hand and my right shoulder softly.

"Well Rachel would you like to play Candyland or choose a channel on the television to watch." He watches as I sit down in the chair DeLaney had just occupied. I start the game and he smiles at me.

I growl in frustration as Humphrey moves closes to the end and I somehow move farther back. Humphrey shakes his head in amusement. "Just like Nurse De, eh?" Somehow he had managed to bring out my childish side and I stuck my tongue out at him, it only made him laugh harder. His laughter dies down as he speaks again. "So Rachel what is worse an old man beating a young girl at a game or a young girl beating the old man."

I huff and once again stick my tongue out at him before answering, "I suppose it would be cruel for me to beat you at a game but isn't it just as cruel for you to beat me at a game?"

He laughs once again and I realize that I like the sound, it may be slightly raspy and sometimes break off into coughing but it is a sound that reminds me of my grandmother. "You make a valid point Rachel, I suppose both are quite cruel but just as fun."

Our Third game is interrupted as someone knocks on the open door, DeLaney enters with a sad smile, "Rachel you fathers are looking for you, it's time to head home, you guys can continue this game at a later date." Her sorrow filled smile turns mischievous, "Just make sure you take a picture of the board before you put it up, Humphrey here like to cheat sometimes."

"I do not cheat Nurse De, you just have terrible memory, and I look forward to seeing you next time, I suppose we could choose another game since you are as bad as our Nurse." He grins at DeLaney.

"I'll see you again Humphrey and no we shall play Candyland until you tire of it or until I win a game." I hear both DeLaney and Humphrey laugh.

"My dear I shall never tire of this game but alas we shall place it a hundred more times until you win." His eyes sparkle again as he waves goodbye to both of us.

As DeLaney and I walk down the hall, a smile is still on my face, Humphrey the kooky old man, had kept my mind occupied for lord knows how long and I actually had a fun time. I look towards the clock and see that it says 6:55. I gasp in shock before speeding up. I thank DeLaney for letting me play with Humphrey before I take off running down the hall. I had completely forgotten the time and Brittany's tutor session. I skid to a stop in front of my fathers. "Dad, Daddy, I forgot to tell you that I was tutoring Brittany at her house at 6:45, could you please drop me off at her house on the way home?"

My dad begins to speak, "Sweetie we just got done at the hospital, don't you think it would be a better idea if you head home and eat then get some rest?" I go to argue but my daddy interrupts me.

"Hiram, let her go, she made a prior engagement. Rach we will be there to pick you up at nine, make sure your phone is on because I know you forgot to turn it on when you left the doctors office and that's why you didn't answer our calls." I nod my head and thank them both as we hop into the car and I give them directions to Brittany's house. I give them both a kiss on the cheek, very quickly, before I run up to Brittany's door waving goodbye to them before I see the tail lights of the car disappear, I adjust my bags strap and knock on the door, I look at my phone and see that it is 7:04.

The door is open but instead of blonde hair all I see is black hair as a dark hand grabs me by my shirt and bag strap. I am pulled into the house and the door is slammed shut before an angry Santana, wet hair and a too big tee shirt over some very holey jeans with paint splattered across the legs, begins to advance on me, barefoot. "What the hell do you think you are doing here? You bail on Brittany without a notice and expect that it's fine for you to show up here? Brittany may forgive whatever excu," I go to interrupt her and tell her why I was late. "No shut your trap _perra_ and listen! Brit may forgive you for whatever excuse you have but I won't forget this and I will kick your ass. Do you _understand_ me?" I nod my head slowly fearing if I move to fast she will snap. "Good"

As she says this a red eyed Brittany walks down the stairs, in a pair of pajama pants with ducks on them and a long sleeve grey shirt with dark spots on the end of the sleeves, which she apparently wiped her tears off with, sorrow fills my heart at her face and she speak before she sees me, "Who are you talking to San?" She sniffs in sadness. "Is it the ice cream man becau-" She see me before she can finish her sentence. "Oh hi Rachel, what're you doing here?"

I look at Santana to see her glaring at me daring me to move or say something to hurt Brittany. "I'm here because we have a tutor session, I know I'm really late and I'm sorry for that, if you wish for me to leave I will, but I do want to help you Brittany, never doubt that."

Santana is still glaring at me but Brittany's face turns from sad to happy in a flash. "Okay lets go upstairs then cuz I have a lot of homework and my English teacher spoke to me and told me that I can retake my test if you help me! Isn't that exciting." I nod my head and she smiles before shooting up the stairs.

I am still pinned down by Santana's glare, "Get your as up there now, and if you ever pull a stunt like this again, i'll kick your scrawny smurf ass, do you get me?"

I nod my head but defiance swells up inside of me as I being to speak. "I would never hurt Brittany intentionally, I ran late because I lost track of time it happens to everyone even you, so don't threaten me for that. It was unintentional and I apologized."

Her face gets stonier. "I don't run late when it comes to Brittany, I am early for everything that applies to her and it may have been unintentional but I dropped her off here at 6:30 and when 6:50 came along and you were a no-show she called me and I came here, by seven she was crying because she thought another person had bailed on her because of the way she is, so don't tell me not to threaten you when I have every right to." I look at her and nod my head before I move to go upstairs she grabs my arm and I flinch, I move to pull my arm out of her grip but she doesn't let go. I pull again as she looks at me. "You're not even going to tell me the excuse for why you were late?"

"It is my business and mine alone now if you please, let go of my arm." She keeps looking at me with that look on her face, my whole body starts to shake wondering if the shirt is enough to keep her skin from touching mine at an extended period of time and what if there's a hole in it and we touch. All these scenarios start running through my head and my breaking gets heavier. _"Please."_ I beg her, my voice shaking and that seems to do the trick, shock crosses her features. Her grip on me wasn't tight or anything, there was no pressure at all, it was just her hand wrapped around my bicep. I knew there wouldn't be a bruise or even a red mark, I knew she wasn't planning on hurting me, she had grabbed my arm to get my attention when I was leaving and keep it, but if she had kept a hold of it to threaten me or have leverage over me I had no idea. She goes to open her mouth and not wanting to hear an apology or anything coming out of her mouth I rush up the stair tripping on more than one of them but catching myself before I fell on my face.

I look around the hallway until I spot a door that says Brittany, I move towards it and as I go to knock, it is pulled open. Brittany smiles at me before pulling me into the room. "What took you so long down there, I know you couldn't have gotten lost."

I laugh softly. "No I didn't get lost, Santana and I were just discussing something." As her mouth opens a question forming in her eye, I speak before she can say a word. "So Brittany lets get to work on your homework then we can work on studying for your English tests and everything else." She nods happily and we begin to work. I work on my own homework keeping a close eye on her work as I finish mine.

Before I know it were almost done with all her work, and as we finish the last problem my phone rings. I look at it before I answer it. My father's voice is on the other end telling me he'll pick me up soon and I give an 'okay', I see that Santana was sitting in a chair by the desk and was watching us, curiosity fills me wondering if she had been there the whole time watching us. I say goodbye to my dad absentmindedly and help Brittany finish the last problem before I hear a horn honk. I mumble a goodbye to both of them before I grab my bag and move to head down the stairs, I feel Brittany's arms wrap around me once again and I barely hold my flinch in before I say goodbye and apologize for being late.

"Its fine Rachel," She reaches into my pocket and pulls out my phone, I jerk back in shock before I hear her cell phone ringing. "There now you can text me when you're going to be late and I can text you if I have a problem I need help with." She slips the phone back into my front left pocket of my sweat pants before she hugs me again and I mumble a goodbye into her long sleeved cheer camp shirt. I rush down the stairs and make it to my fathers car. I pull the passenger door shut and look up to Brittany's window, Santana's dark eyes are looking back at me, watching what I do.

I quickly turn to face the dashboard. My father turns the CD player on classical music and curiosity fills me as I wonder why he is listening to it. I lean back in my seat calm over flooding my senses as I relax. I open my eye and look around the car to spot a CD case on the floor of my dad's normally clean car, wondering what the title of the CD is we are listening to is, I grab it only for my dad to reach for it. I move it out of his reach and stare at him, my eyes daring him to try again. I look at the front and shock and anger fills me, across the front of it in Dr. Lechy script on a sticky note._ "Classical music calms the mind of PTSD victims and minds of those who are mentally unstable. Play this in the car or around the house and it should help Rachel. P.S. playing this while she sleeps may also help with the nightmares as shown in new studies, take notes and let me know how it works -Dr. Lechy-_

"Rachel, baby girl, don't be m-" His face has gone front shock and fear to pleading.

"What! Don't be mad that you're listening to Dr. Lechy?! Don't be mad that you're going behind my back without telling me?!" He opens his mouth. "NO! Listen to me for once. Every time he prescribes something to me there are no results, no matter the pill or treatment. Everything he prescribes or tells you to do does _not_ work! Why do we keep going to him, I don't like him." I cross my arms in defiance and stare at him.

In an unusual twist my father has pulled the car over his voice is frustrated and raw and sad and so are his eyes as they fill with tears. "BECAUSE! He is the _only_ doctor willing to continue to work for a cure, he is the only one willing to work with you. All the other doctor in Lima or the surrounding area have signed off on being your doctor! Nobody wants to treat you any more because they don't think they can help you but Dr. Lechy does think he can help you, he's the _only_ one left. He is our last chance. Why can't you _get_ that." I can hear the frustration and pleading in his voice.

Tears fill my eyes. "Then don't send me to anymore doctors, let me deal with this myself." I beg him to hear me to listen to me. "I'm getting better! I kiss you and daddy on the cheek and I hug Brittany, I held Tina's hand and shook Mike's and Humphrey's. Please just stop sending me to the doctors." Tears run down my face and my father moves his hand through his hair then removes his glasses to rub at his eyes. "Please dad. _Please._" He continues to rub at his eyes in frustration. _"Please."_ Its barely a whisper but it spoke volumes, desperation clung to my last please.

"Damn it," I was shocked I had never heard him cuss before. "Rachel don't you understand we are trying to _help_ you and until you are old enough to understand we will continue to help you even after that. You are sixteen you can't make decisions like this." He shoves his glasses back on his face and is staring at me in desperation.

My hands ball into fist of anger and frustration. "I can't make the decision on whether or not to be taking all these pills? But you can! This is _my_ body and _my_ life! You can't control it forever. Please for just once let me control what the doctors give me. Just once dad. _Please_." His hand slams onto the steering wheel.

"NO! You are not old enough to decide stuff like this, Dr. Lechy said if you don't have medicine then you will be placed in a mental hospital, these pills will help you stay out of there! Don't you understand! We don't want you to go there it will kill you father and I and it will kill your spirit and you. Take the pills and if they don't work we _try_ more treatments until we find one that works." His eyes plead with me to understand. "These pills can save you Rachel just _listen_ to your doctor."

"They won't save me they will kill ME! I've been on fifteen different pills in the last eight and a half years! do you know what that does to _me_, to my liver?" I stare at him trying to convince him to listen to me.

He sighs "Okay," hope fills me before it is crushed. "This is what Dr. Lechy talked about, he said you'd fight us and he said you'd argue convincingly and that we shouldn't fold because it would only make you worse, so Rachel I am going to listen to him. He offered to speak to you one on one, he is not only a doctor he is a psychologist so he can help you mentally and physically."

"No you can't make me go to him, you can't, daddy won't let you." Tears run down my face faster and I start to breathe heavier. "You can't, you can't, please dad you can't" He goes to touch my shoulder to comfort me. _"No!"_ He flinches back in shock, never have I ever yelled or screamed at my fathers for trying to comfort me, I may have shied away but never have I yelled until now. I glare at him before I decide I don't want to ride home with him.

I move to open the door and he goes to grab my arm before I glare at him again. He relents and just stares at me. "Rachel what are you doing."

"Walking home, I can't be in this car with you any more so i'm going to walk home." I move to open the door again but he locks it.

"Rachel you can't walk home it is past nine, you will not walk home. So put your seatbelt on _now_ so we can go home eat a very cold and very late dinner with your father then go to bed." He keeps his hand near the lock button I sigh and angrily move to put my seatbelt on. As he sighs and move his hands to the steering wheel I move into action. I know I'm being stupid and selfish but I can't stand being in the car with him another minute so the second my feet touch the ground I bolt across the road and between the house and through gardens. I hear his door open and hear him curse as he forgot to take off his seatbelt and moved to get out of the car only to be held back by the seatbelt.

I make sure I run in the direction of my house but that I never run in a straight line, I keep dodging between the house of Lima until I make it passed another two streets adjacent to the road I was just on, I am breathing heavy as I fall to my hands and knees on the sidewalk. I hear my name being yelled in the distance but I don't pay any attention to it until I see someone stand in front of me. I follow bright blue running shoes up pale legs over black running shorts and a grey tank top to hazel eyes and blonde hair.

"I'm guessing you're Rachel?" She looks familiar but I can't place her. I nod my head. "Well Miss Rachel," She offers her hand to help me up. "Fabray, Frannie Fabray." I grab onto her hand still breathing heavily. She pulls me up and makes sure i'm standing fine on own two feet, which burn with the force I used to run. "So you want to talk about why you're running like the devil is chasing you or why there is a man screaming your name?" I shake my head in the negative. "Okay, so would you like for me to walk you home or do you feel like eating ice cream?"

I stare at her in shock. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

She laughs. "Sweet heart you aren't being an inconvenience to me, I usually run all through Lima when i'm home so it won't be a problem to take you to your house and I love ice cream so which is it?"

She stares at me curious. She wasn't being overly careful when she touched me and she wasn't judging me like the kids at school. I sigh, "I don't think I could keep anything down right now and my daddy is probably worrying about where I am. I think I would rather walk home and beat my dad there."

She nod, "Alright then lets go lead the way." I stare at her in shock. "Don't look at me like that, there could be dangerous folk about at 9:35 at night." I laugh before I begin to walk towards my house.

We walk in silence, not the kind where its awkward and begs for someone to fill the silence but peaceful silence of two people thinking. Before I know it we're almost at my house, its just ten feet away. "Thank you Frannie for walking me home. It was very kind of you."

She smile then hugs me tightly. "I know i'm just a stranger you met but everything will be fine Rachel, always believe that." With her last words she watches me walk into the house and waves at me before she begins to jog in the direction we just came from.

I turn on the hallway light and hear feet running towards me. My daddy's strong arms wrap around me and I squeak as I am lifted off the ground. My daddy is clinging to me, his arms are wrapped around my waist and I find comfort that he is not mad at me and I know he will side with me in the argument. Tears start to run down my face as I realize I just had a huge fight with my dad. I throw my covered arms around my daddy and sob into his chest. I feel him move us to the couch and hear as we sit down but I do not see anything through the tears except my fathers shirt. He is rocking me, it is soothing and I begin to fall asleep, despite my best efforts. I feel my father move his left hand, I shift slightly curled up in his lap, like when I was a small child. I hear his fingers on his phone before I hear my dads voice.

_"Leroy is she home yet?"_ he sounds worried, his voice distorted due to being on the other end of the phone.

"Yes, she's asleep right now." He lets out a sigh after he says this.

"_Thank goodness, did she say anything when she came home? Did she take the sleeping pill?_" He sounds relived that I am home, and I bury my face into my fathers chest when he mentions the pill.

"No she didn't say anything, she cried her eyes out as I held her. No she didn't take the pill, she feel asleep in my arms. Why are you worried about the pill? What did you say to her?" He sounds exasperated as he mentions the pill and I can feel his worry as her finishes the last sentence.

_"Because I am worried about her, if she doesn't take the pill she won't get any sleep. And we had an argument about Dr. Lechy. I will explain it all when I get home. I'm just glad she's alright. We will talk when I get home, I love you both."_ I vaguely hear the engine over the phone.

"We're both worried about her, she is sleeping perfectly fine right now. And alright we will talk when you get home. I love you and you know that she loves you, don't forget that." I hear my daddy sigh sadly over the phone.

_"I don't know if she does any more, she was livid. I'll see you in a few minutes._" My daddy sighs after dad hung up. He moved my bangs out of my face.

"We always will love you Rach no matter what." He sighs again before he pulls me tighter against his chest, I bury my face in his chest again, like when I was five and would have nightmares.

The world fades away into darkness until I hear the front door shut. "Leroy." My dad say this as he enters the living room. "Let's get her up to bed really quick." I feel my daddy nod his head. "We should probably give her the pill now before she wakes up in the middle of the night."

"No, she does not need it now because she is asleep, prosom is for insomnia. It helps her go to sleep not keep her asleep. We are not giving her this pill right now and that is final." I feel my daddy stand up and he move towards the stairs. He sets me in my bed when he makes it to my room. He kisses the crown of my head, mostly my hair. and tells me good night. I mumble something incoherent and he laughs softly so as not to wake me up.

I hear him leave the room but don't hear my door shut, I blearily open my eyes to see that the door is cracked open slightly, light from the hallway flooding into my room. I close m eyes again and give in to the darkness.

I don't know how much time has passed but I am woken up by something. I blink my eyes sleepily trying to figure out what woke me. Then I hear it arguing. I open my eyes wider trying to wake up more and focus on the voices that I can barley hear.

"Hiram do not force her into this if she does not want it!" I can hear my daddy's voice softly booming downstairs

_ "She has a problem Leroy, do you not understand that she has a problem that Dr. Lechy will help with! She will thank us when she is older."_ He mentions Dr. Lechy and I shudder in fear. His voice seems to plead with my daddy.

"I don't care, she will be our daughter no matter what, I will love her no matter her decision. She will hate you if you force her to do this." I hear his voice clear and then distant like he is pacing, I focus my hearing more and can hear the soft thuds of his feet against wood.

_"No she will thank me for this, she never understood what was wrong with her! He can help her, don't you want her to get better?"_ He begs with his voice for my daddy to understand, to listen to him. I pray that my daddy won't listen to him, that he won't agree that I have to see Dr. Lechy.

"There is nothing wrong with her! Sure she hates to be touched, maybe she has a phobia but that doesn't matter!" My daddy's voice rises, anger and frustration taking over his normally calm demeanor.

_"I want her to have a normal life! How can she have that when she can't be touched at all?! We can't hug our daughter, we can't kiss her on her head, we can't treat her wounds. We haven't been able to hug our own daughter since she was 8! It is tearing both of us apart and you know it! It kills you everyday she shies away from your touch every single fucking day! It kills me too!"_ Eight the lucky number of the age I foretold my aunts death. I haven't been that bad have I? I let them hug me, don't I? No I don't I shy away from touch.

"She is normal! How could you even say you want her to have a normal life?! How do you even describe normal? Huh Hiram? Normal would not be having _two_ fathers? Normal is not something one can achieve, normal is overrated. How could you want our daughter, our special unique daughter to be normal! And it may kill me but I still love her, through anything that happens I will always love our daughter. And we are done discussing this, she is not going to therapy with Dr. Lechy." Normal? I let out a laugh, I am far from normal. I feel gratitude fill me at my daddy's last sentence.

"_This is not over, I am her father, she is going to get the help she needs_ so_ desperately needs. We will go through with this to help her and that is final._" My dad uses hi 'this is final' voice, the one that told us when his decision was final.

"So you're going to make this decision alone! Because _you're_ her father, her _father_? I am her father also Hiram do not forget that! I will fight you through this whole thing I don't care the consequences she is our daughter and I will protect her no matter what." My daddy's voice turns angry and cold, he sounds like he is about to blow a gasket and I look around my room the dark shapes of it comforting me.

_"I will do what needs to be done for her! Leroy what are you doing? Leroy!"_ His voice get high pitch and screeching as he screams my fathers name.

"I am sleeping on the couch, I can't do this right now, I can't lie in bed next to you knowing that you are going to force her into therapy. Good-night" Guilt fills my entire body at causing a fight between my fathers, one big enough to end with daddy on the couch. He didn't even sleep on the couch when he forgot their anniversary due to work.

_"Leroy you can't sleep down here, the couch is-_" I pull my blankets tighter around me as my dad's tries to reason with my daddy.

"Good-night Hiram." His voice say this is final and I hear my dad stomp up the stairs and slam his door shut.

I hear my dad go to bed. I lie in bed awake for I don't know how long until I see my door start to open. "I figured you were awake Rach," My daddy sighs. "Did our fighting wake you?" I nod my head slowly. "God I am so sorry, we didn't mean to wake you. How much did you hear?" Everything I want to say but I knew they were arguing long before I woke up. I can see his eyes and they look sad and resigned.

My voice is scratchy with emotion and sleep. "Enough, I heard enough."

He sighs again sadly. "God, Rachel I am so sorry, a child is never meant to hear their parent argue or fight."

"A child is not suppose to cause their parents fights either, I am so sorry daddy, I never meant for any of this to happen." He grabs my hands tightly and I squeeze his back.

"Rachel you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, understand that okay? I love you no matter what and I will fight your dad on this Dr. Lechy thing the entire way. I am on your side and I always will be. You can tell me anything and I will always love you. Trust me I will do everything in my power to help you." He kiss my head softly before he leaves the door cracked open. "Good-night Rachel, love you."

"Good-night daddy, love you too." I see him disappear down the hallway. I don't know how many minutes pass until I hear my father's door open, I close my eyes quickly and even out my breathing.

I hear my door open slowly and my dad resigned sigh. "Rachel, just know that I love you and always do what is best for you." I feel him brush my hair out of the way, "I love you Rach always." He kisses the crown of my head before leaving.

I sigh softly before turning on my other side. My eyes start to close on their own even as I try to keep them awake and before I know it the world is black.

**A/N: So any thoughts? Sorry for the long wait, post as soon as I can.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not the tv series the characters or any songs movies or people mentioned in this story.**

**Chapter 5**

I wake up to my alarm, my blankets wrapped tightly around me in the fetal position. I throw the blankets off and search for my phone, the alarm on it blaring. I shift into a sitting position feeling something in my pocket move, I go to grab it and realize it's my phone in the pocket of my sweat pants. I turn off my alarm and head into the bathroom to take a shower.

After getting dressed in jeans, long sock underneath them for extra protection, soft black silk gloves running underneath my long sleeved dark purple shirt and a black scarf to hide the gauze that was covering the left side of my neck, I head down the stairs. I poke my head around the corner of the kitchen to see who is in there, both my fathers are sitting in the kitchen, dad at one end of the counter on a barstool and daddy at the other end, tension fills the air and I decide I don't want to be there for when the tension leads to arguing.

I quietly move towards the front door and spot my bag sitting by the door. I grab it and look at the key holder, my keys aren't up there and neither are either of my fathers. My heart begins to beat faster as I look around for them, I spot them on the coffee table in the living room, I tiptoe over to them not making a sound and checking the doorway for my fathers. I grab them and move to the front door as I move through it I turn to look at the kitchen, both my father were still not looking at one another and both were tense, guilt fills me as I shut the front door quietly.

I get into my car and pull out of my driveway heading to school. The drive is quiet and I leave the radio off. The parking lot comes into view and I quickly park realizing that I am at the school fifteen minutes before I am usually here. Those fifteen minutes are usually spent eating breakfast and talking to my fathers. I walk into the doorway of the school. There are some student milling about in the hallway, either early for a meeting, make-up test or to hang with friends before class starts in twenty minutes.

I move towards my locker getting everything I need before I shut it gently, a headache has overtaken my head, filling me with pain everytime my heart pulses. The headache caused by lack of good sleep, not eating anything since lunch yesterday and the constant fear and guilt pounding through my mind pulses as I walk through the halls. I move without purpose, just walking to kill time or at least until I find an empty room to rest in. The cafeteria is a mixture of laughter, loud voices and utensils scraping against plates, it causes my head to throb again and I almost puke when the smell of processed sausage served as a side meets my nose. I cover my nose and quickly make my way down the hall.

I travel aimlessly until I meet a dead end. I move to turn around before I see an open door, curiosity overtakes my body as I peek my head inside. Soft music coming from a piano greets me as I peek through the doorway. Sitting at the bench in front of the piano is Karofsky. Shock fills me and a gasp leaves my mouth without my permission. How could he play the piano like a progeny, he was a football player, he was a jerk. And I realized I was being judgmental and putting him in a stereotype. As he looked up I move to leave but he is quicker than I am and pulls me into the room by the strap of my bag, which is the second time I have been grabbed by it making me think I should just stop carrying it around, he slams the door shut and terror fills me.

He must see the terror on my face and misinterprets it. "No, no I am not going to do that. Just calm down." Confusion fills me before I come to the conclusion that he mistook the terror on my face as misinterpreting his actions and thinking he was going to force himself on me. "I just, I just want to talk okay?" He moves until his back hits the door and I am a good three feet away from him, I nod my head. "Okay, listen you can not tell anybody I play the piano do you understand me?"

Wonderment fills me, this was not the cruel boy who had verbally attacked Tina yesterday, he looked scared and his hands were twisting together in a nervous fashion like a jigsaw puzzle. "Why do you not want anyone to know you play the piano, and why are you not being cruel like you were to Tina?"

His face looks stricken as he tries to come up with an answer his face bounces between remorse and anger, like he is trying to decide to treat me like he did yesterday and pay the consequence of people finding out about his piano skills, his face settles into a cruel expression, his eyes narrowed and a scowl across his face. "Look you won't tell anyone, because they would never believe you and also because if I hear anything going around about me playing the piano you will pay, do you understand me? One single word and you will pay."

Shock fills me as I realized this boy just threatened me because he doesn't want his secret to come out. Anger rules my body at his threat but remorse and fear over ride the anger, he is a big teenager with a secret he would die to protect because he is fearful of what his 'friends' would say. I nod my head and he moves out of the way. I walk slowly through the doorway keeping him in my sights before I bolt down the hall. I wasn't looking and thats when I collide with a body, my right side had hit her right side causing us to spin and me to land on my back and her to land on me as we had grabbed one another's arm to try and stay standing. I let out a groan of pain as her body lands roughly against mine. Blonde hair obscures my vision until I feel the girl shift and get up, the second she is standing I am on my feet apologies slipping of my tongue in a haste.

I look up and see familiar hazel eyes and blonde hair except this blonde hair is in a ponytail and this girls face isn't as angular as the girl's I met last night. "Just watch where you're going next time!" is shouted at me from across the hall as the younger Frannie clone runs down the hall into an office where the door promptly shuts and yelling about being late is heard through the hall. I look around and see that we had been the only two in this hallway luckily. No one else had seen us crash into one another. I see the time 7:40, which meant that I had ten minutes to get to class, I decide that I would head straight to class.

I head to Math and sit down in my normal seat, I tell myself that I will pay attention in class so I can maintain my A and hel Brittany when she needs it. Finn walks in and leaves Tina at the doorway, she looks at me in confusion before smiling at me and waving a good-bye. Finn sits down next to me and leans over to speak to me, "Rach, what's wrong, you didn't meet Tina at her locker and you look like crap, no offense or anything."

I smile internally at his no offense comment before I decide I should answer him. "Nothings wrong Finn I am just tired and I have a very bad headache." He looks at me before nodding and saying sorry. He seems to get that I don't wish to talk. Math passes in a blur of notes and problems and as the bell rings I get up and Finn walks me to History. History passed by with boring slideshows on the chapter we're working on. Before I know it History is over and the bell rings telling us to move on like mindless cattle to the next class.

Tina comes in a worried look on her face as she sits down next to me, she doesn't even hesitate to pull me into a hug and I don't flinch or shy away, I turn in to her comfort, my face burrowing into her neck, I thank all that there is that there hasn't been an issue with my face in three years. Her arms are wrapped around my shoulders pulling me into her body, I wrap my arms around her waist and cling to her and her shirt. She doesn't say anything she just continues to hug me tightly, letting me know silently that she is there, worried but there like she always will be and a part of me wants to touch her skin to skin just to know when I could lose her so I could prepare for it but I squash it down as I tighten my arms and bury my face even further between her shoulder and neck, her necklaces press against my faces and her left hand moves to my head stroking it in comfort and a silent 'its okay' and 'i'm here', her hair falls in front of my face and around my head and my vision is overrun by black and purple hair, necklaces and tannish skin.

The bell rings and I loosen my hold on her, she seems to get that I want to keep taking in her comfort and continue to hug her but know that class is about to start, she gives me one last squeeze before letting go of me. But instead of releasing me entirely like I expected her to, her right hand grabs my left and she gives it some reassuring pressure. I add pressure to it right back and I make sure I don't squeeze to hard before I loosen my grip, she squeezes it one last time before letting it go. Her stool is scooted closer to mine so that I can feel the heat radiating off of her like a warm blanket. We are barely inches apart and I know she is doing this for me, like she knows I need someone to finally hold me and comfort me but don't know how to ask for it.

The class passes in a blur of lecturing, the teachers voice droning on and on. I see Tina has a few pages of notes and remind myself to ask to borrow those later. The bell rings and everyone rushes to get out of the classroom and move their legs. Tina smiles at me softly as I finish putting my things up and takes my hand, knowing I would never initiate it or have the guts to ask for the comfort, and pulls me out of the classroom. I know this may cause rumors in a small town like Lima and I know Tina knows this and pure uninhibited gratefulness, love and happiness floods my body as I realize she doesn't care about rumors, she cares about me and knows I need the comfort of a friend in anyway I can get it right now.

We walk into a halfway full spanish class and sit down. Tina sits down next to me again and I am thankful that most of the classrooms have stools and a table meant for two people. Her presence and body offer comfort without even touching me. And the class like all the others passes quickly, Mr. Schue seems to realize I'm not in the mood to answer after the second time I didn't answer him not because I didn't know the answer but because I wasn't paying attention and didn't hear him the first time and the second I decided to just remain quiet.

The bell rings and we are the last to leave the classroom as student rush out of the room like they haven't eaten in days. Tina's arm brushes against mine as we walk closely together, Finn seems to understand something and remains quiet as we walk down the hall. As Tina's arm brushes mine I grab her hand and she doesn't say anything just shifts it into a more comfortable position and grips my hand softly. We make it to the cafeteria and I go to drop Tina's hand she looks at me and lets go of it gently before grabbing food and placing it on her tray, Finn does the same and it take me a minute to come to the conclusion that I had forgotten my lunch.

I walk with them to the table and we sit down, Tina sits next to me and Finn sits across from us. Tina looks at me before offering me her banana I move to decline but she places it in my hands and give me a look that says don't argue. I peel the banana and begin to eat it slowly, my stomach both thanks me for the food and gives a protest at the sudden arrival of food on a completely empty stomach. I eat the banana slower, giving my stomach time to adjust to finally having food in it again after a good twenty-four hours of nothing, not even water.

Mike sits down and engages Finn in conversation. Mike passes me an apple while he is still talking to Finn and I take a drink of the water bottle Finn had given me before taking a bite out of it. I finish the apple and begin to stare off into space, my mind going over everything that had happened last night and tears fill my eyes slowly. I am brought out of my mind when a hand takes mine, laces our fingers together and squeezes hard enough to pull me back into reality. She does this even as she is still talking to Mike, like it was instinctual to bring me out of the bad thoughts and comfort me once again.

I look around the cafeteria trying to keep my attention off my thoughts, I spot Karofsky joking with his friends and his eyes catch mine before he gives me a hard look, his eyes dart to mine and Tina's hand before they dart away as if he can't stand to look at them. I move my gaze over different tables, passing letterman jacket of the football players, the huge bodies of the hockey players, over a group of diverse students, a boy in a wheelchair, a dark girl with amazing fashion sense, a very flamboyant boy, and some band kids together, over many different stereotypical and non stereotypical groups of students until they land on the cheerleading table. Santana as if sensing my eyes turns to look at me, her eyes bore into mine as if shes trying to read them, she moves her eyes over the rest of my table and see my hands joined with Tina's, she doesn't react just continues to look at me until the girl I had run into earlier this morning asks her a question. She answers it and keeps talking to the girl. Brittany turns to look at me and her expression is worried until she gives me a bright smile, which seems to make my mood melt away little by little adding to the comfort Tina is offering me.

The bell rings and I release Tina's hand, thank her with my eyes and say good-bye to them before I walk to study hall. I spot Brittany and Santana talking, Santana seems to be telling Brittany something very important and keeps looking at me. I walk into the room deciding I didn't want to watch her talk about me. Figuring Brittany would ask me a million questions on why I was sad and why I was holding Tina's hand I took out everything we had worked on today in class including the notes Tina lent to me.

To my surprise Brittany doesn't bombard me with questions, she just asks one. "Can you help me with English before the other classes and don't be such a sad panda everything will be fine." She gives me another one of her smiles and I feel my bad emotions melt away.

The class hour passes with questions on subjects, detailed answers and a lot of writing. We finish with most of the homework she has today and the rest of her left over homework that some teachers let her redo, which is amazing considering today is only Wednesday and we started Monday, but we have been studying during school and after, plus she said Santana helps her in the morning and sometime during class.

The bell rings and I'm not surprised when she pulls me into a tight hug, for the first time I hug her back without hesitation, without flinching and I feel her happiness practically radiate off of her before she gives me a very exuberant goodbye and rushes down the hall to meet Santana. I go to English with Finn and Mrs. Lite hands back our pop quizzes telling us she wants them back after we look at them. After all the quizzes are handed back in she begins her topic for today and tells us halfway through class that since most of the class had gotten good scores she was giving us free time, for those that had failed it meant studying and those that passed it meant reading or other homework. She walked around the room making sure certain kids were studying. I stared blankly at the book in my hands before I decide to work on my other homework. The bell rings just as I had finished my last chemistry problem. I go to leave but Mrs. Lite stops me "Rachel, are you alright dear? You look a little down."

"I am fine, Mrs. Lite, just a small headache is all." She nods her head but worry still shows on her features as I leave. I make it to Biology and sit in my normal spot. The teacher has decided we are finished with aquatic animals and writes on the board that there will be a test Friday. He then begins to give us all a study guide and tells us that it must be done by tomorrow in order for him to grade it and then for us to use it tomorrow night to study.

Santana is helping Brittany with hers quietly and I begin to work on mine alone. The answers come quickly even before I made sure they were right by checking the book. The bell rings for the last time and some students groan when they realize they have to take this home and finish it. I place my finished work into my binder and place it in my bag. Brittany seems to be waiting for me and Santana stands beside her, still like a silent guardian or protector. "Hey Rach, coach gave us today off for Practice cuz of it being Wednesday and she had to visit her sister, so do you want to come over earlier?"

I never knew coach Sylvester had a sister, and how early is Brittany talking about. "How early do you want me there Brittany?"

I see Brittany think about it before Santana speaks. "How about five, if you think you can manage to be there in an hour and a half"

"I'll have to check with my fathers but most likely i'll be there at five Brittany. I have to go now, but i'll see you soon." I rush out of the room barely able to hear Brittany's 'bye'. I make it to my car and jump in, I sit there staring at the wheel forever until I start the car, I drive slowly to my house, five miles under the speed limit trying to prolong the inevitable. I make it to my house and drag my feet up until I open the door, I am greeted by my daddy.

"Rach why did you run off this morning without breakfast, and why haven't you answered your phone?" He looks at me worried as he looks me over for any injury that could have taken place between last night and now. Finding none he smiles at me.

"I didn't feel hungry and I didn't want to cause a scene this morning." I pull my phone out of my pocket to find that it had died during the day. "And my phone died daddy, sorry. Oh before I forget, can I go to Brittany's tonight, I need to help her study around 5, I don't know when i'll be home but it will be before nine or ten for sure."

He sighs softly, "Yeah baby girl you can go just be careful please and are you eating dinner here or there?" He takes my bag from me and leads me into the kitchen

I follow him without a second thought. "I think i'll eat here, I don't think Brittany knows that I am a vegan." He nods his head and begins to pull out ingredients. "What're you making?"

He grins at me. "We are making comfort food, every type you can think of. Biscuits and gravy, vegan for you." He sticks his tongue out and shakes it as if disgusted, I laugh. "Fresh orange juice, and a chocolate cake slash brownie dessert, vegan of course." He smile before he begins to cook, he talks about random things and asks me to get things for him and I realize that this is the closest I have felt to my daddy in forever. It breaks my heart that my dad isn't here but I am also glad because I knew he would bring up Dr. Lechy constantly.

We finish with everything and sit down to eat. "Where dad, daddy?" A dark look over takes his face before he answers and I realize that it is anger and slight jealousy.

"He is with Dr. Lechy right now," The jealousy must be that he is spending a lot of time with Dr. Lechy and anger at their discussion, me and pills. "but lets not talk about the heavy stuff lets eats our amazing dinner and then you can go study." He make a face at the word study and I laugh.

He brings up random topics that steer clear of doctors and medicine which I know is hard for him considering he is a heart surgeon. I look at the clock and decide I had better head to Brittany's right now after our early dinner. I kiss my daddy's cheek and feel guilt at leaving him here alone as I walk out the door and drive to Brittany's.

I knock on her door just as the clock strikes 5:01. Brittany answers and pulls me through the house into their kitchen. Brittany's mom was finishing cooking what looked like tuna casserole and a salad. "Hello, you must be Rachel, how are you?"

"I am fine how are you Mrs. Pierce?" Brittany tells me to wait here as she grabs my bag and shoots up the stairs.

"I am quite alright dear, my husband should be down soon along with Brittany once she retrieves Santana from her room." My heart spikes at the thought of Santana being here, but I should have known better, Santana and Brittany are like a packaged deal.

I smile at her before I bring up a topic that I didn't know was told or not. "I don't mean to bother you but I am a vegan and I didn't want you to think of me as being rude if I didn't touch you tuna casserole." I smile apologetically at her.

"Oh it's quite alright dear, I am sorry I didn't know this, I would have made something different, do you want me to make something different?" She starts to fret around the kitchen.

"No, no it is alright I had a small dinner with my daddy before I came here, and I could use a salad, its normally what I like to eat for dinner." She looks at me in worry and question.

"Are you sure dear?" I nod my head and she smiles before asking me to help set the table since her table setter was taking to long.

I set the table and heard to sets of feet running down the stairs and squealing. Santana came running into the kitchen quickly sitting down before Mr. Pierce comes in with Brittany thrown over his shoulder, he starts to speak at my curious expression. "They were taking to long and I knew if I grabbed one the other would follow, Brit was the closest." I laugh at that. "So how are you Rachel, your lip any better?"

"I am fine how about you and my lip is fine thanks to your skills." I smile at him and he laughs.

"My skills could have made your lip fall off and I am having an amazing day." At Brittany's mom and Santana's curious expressions he elaborates on the lips story. "Rachel bit her lip during an almost car crash, the idiotic driver ran a stop light, Brit brought her into the house for me to look at. Poor girl was almost in shock." Red flushes across my cheeks in embarrassment over the shock comment and shame at almost wrecking with Brittany in the car. If Santana's look was anything to go by she was pissed and Brittany's mom just looked worried.

The dinner discussions ran from the almost crash to school to mundane topics until Brittany excused us to her room. Santana followed us up and Brittany and I began to work as Santana sat down, messing around on her phone before deciding to help me help Brittany. We went over the study guide at least ten times and I made sure Brittany had read and answered each question every single time, it may have taken her forever but the Biology teacher always uses the exact same questions on the test, he just jumble them around. We had finally finished all her homework and I began to help her with English.

I looked at my phone and saw that it was 9:06. Dinner had lasted until 5:50ish and studying for Biology had taken forever. I said goodbye to everyone and rushed out the door before Santana could say a word. I drove towards my house and spotted Frannie running with headphones in her ear, she was fast and seemed to be focused on running. I pulled up into my house and opened the door of the house only to hear my fathers arguing again. "I don't care what he says Hiram, she is our daughter not his!" My daddy's voice was beyond livid.

My dad's voice held frustration. "He is a doctor that is trained in this, it is best to listen to him to help our baby girl." I slam the front door and both my dads heads look out of the kitchen. Dad speaks first. "Good your home Rachel, we were just wondering when you were gonna get here."

Daddy's voice is softer and less nervous. "Hey baby-girl, did you have a good time at Brittany's?" I nod my head and he goes to open his mouth again before I interrupt him.

"I'm going to bed, i'm tired, good-night love you guys." With that I rush up the stairs not even waiting for their good-night, knowing that the second my door shut they'd most likely be back to arguing and I was right about ten minutes after I shut my door it started off quiet and subdued until they we back to fighting like they were when I walked into the house.

I changed into pajamas and put headphones in trying to drown out they're arguing. I laid in bed awake for hours if the amount of songs I went through were any indication, and like the past two time I took off my headphone there was arguing. When I took them off the second time the arguing had ceased and I had left them off I had started to fall asleep before they had started arguing again, thirty minutes after my ears being earphone free. I stuffed them back in my ears and laid awake until tiredness overtook my body, my mind was blank, no dreams and no nightmares.

* * *

The days bleed together after that almost sleepless night, Thursday became Friday and arguments every night kept me awake. Somehow throughout the bleeding of the days I had kept my grades up and had helped Brittany study every day and every night. Tina and Finn had tried to help me and make me happy but I was tired and unresponsive, Tina had held my hand and given me more hug in the last two days than I can count and I had let her seeking her comfort over anything else, Santana had left me alone and hadn't mutter a single snide comment as if she could tell I was having a horrible few days and night. They had all looked worried including my parents.

I wake up Saturday to an eerily calm house I move down the stair still in my pajamas, my fathers are talking in the kitchen and the both look normal except for daddy's baggy eye and an expression the bleeds defeat in the rawest form. The look on his face when he sees me tells me everything I need to know, my dad had won the argument after four days of constant fighting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not the characters or songs or any places mentioned.**

**Chapter 6**

His face tells me he is sorry and remorseful but I don't accept it, I run upstairs and take a shower, taking extra long on purpose. By the time I get down stairs in my usual attire of jeans, long sock, gloves, long shirt and a scarf I head into the kitchen. Both my fathers are dressed dad offers me breakfast. I eat it in silence before it is broken by my dad. "Rachel we are going to see Dr. Lechy today," I go to speak. "No Rach we are doing this the right way do not argue, you will have session with him based on what he tells us and you will start to take the sleeping pills, you look like you haven't slept in forever." I open my mouth to say its because of their constant arguing but the sad look on my daddy's face stops me. If I say that it will tear him apart. I just nod my head and stay silent.

* * *

Dr. Lechy convinces my fathers to take the day off and do something because and I quote 'This is the first session and it takes a very long time the first session.' So my fathers leave me with him, my daddy's face telling me he doesn't want to but he goes along with my dad.

Dr. Lechy shuts the blinds and sits down. "Now Rachel, this is your first session, it will be your hardest. Now I want you to tell me what you feel if you touch someone skin to skin." I ignore him and stare at the floor, wondering if he shut the blinds so I wouldn't be distracted by the outside world. "Rachel, you have to talk during these sessions, I just want to help you find out what is wrong." I scoff at that and his expression shifts slightly. "Do you not believe me? I only wish to help that is what all doctors want to do, this is what your father wants." I stay silent and watch the clock. He continues to question me, his voice still somewhat patient and gentle.

Two hours of his 'nice' and 'gentle' questions and my silence he explodes. "I know what you can do Rachel, now you either tell me the truth or I will have you placed in a mental institute faster than you can call for your daddies. And don't even try to say that they'll believe you over me, there is enough in your file to put you in there now and everyone will believe me over you so if you don't wish to end up there then cooperate with me. And the topics of these discussions are to remain secret, or else." My eyes widen in fear and tears fill them as I nod my head. "Good, now lets get started, and don't lie, because I know everything and unlike those stupid psychiatrists and doctors I believe everything. So Rachel what do you feel when you touch someone skin to skin?"

My voice shakes as I answer him, knowing I must tell the truth, I can't lose my fathers and I can't go to a mental institute. "Terror, pure terror."

"Good Rachel very good, now is that your fear or the person you touch fear." He is taking notes and his creepy smile is there.

My voice is meek as I answer his question. "Mine."

"And why is that Rachel?" I open my mouth but he isn't done speaking. "And tell the truth" I inhale a shaky breath, my lungs trying to pull the much needed oxygen into my body.

"Because I fear that if I touch someone skin to skin" I choke on a sob, he gives me a look "I will see their death." Sobs rack my body, the truth finally out, but I think he had known all along what I could do.

He smiles like he won. "Good job Rachel and why is this?" He leans forward in his seat, like a person does during a really good show and the climax is coming.

"Because.. I" Memories flash through my head, my aunts bloody face. Watching her die twice. "I saw my aunt's death before it happened and ever since then when.." I take in another breath that stutters against my lungs and get stuck in my throat as a sob. "When I touch someone it happens."

He writes something in his notebook before firing off another question as if there are a million waiting to be asked. "How many times has this happened?"

My aunt when I hugged her, the stranger in the store that bumped into me, the two doctors from when I had a bad flu and was rushed to hospital, one of my dads friends when we were at a dinner party, the scrub nurse when I had to get stiches in my knee, Finn when he helped me, and my grandma at her funeral. Tears leaked out of my eyes again, leaving clear tracks of sorrow down my face. "Seven times with a living person, one time with with a deceased."

He looks shocked for a second. "Only seven? And deceased! Who did you touch that was dead and why?" His eyes flash with curiosity and wonder.

"Yes, only seven and because she had passed away and I wanted to hold her hand one last time. I.." I choke down another sob. "I didn't think that it would cause me to see it but it _did_! I just wanted to hold her hand _one last_ time!" I wrapped my arms around my stomach, memories causing my body to shake in sorrow and horror.

"Very interesting" He continues to write notes as tears spill down my face as if they don't even affect or faze him. "Now Rachel how long does the vision usually last, does it depend on touch?"

I nod my head, he raises his eyebrow and I speak knowing he is telling me to continue. "Sometimes it'll be flashes, sometimes it will be their death and the longer I touch them the stronger it becomes." I sniff softly.

"In these visions are you just an audience witnessing it from behind a glass wall or do you senses work?" I remember smelling my grandma's perfume, feeling the heat of the desert as Finn bleed out.

"Sometimes." I take a deep breath. "Sometimes I can smell things, and _feel_ the heat, but I can see everything and hear everything, I don't know if I can touch anything." He looks contemplative before writing more in his journal.

"So when you were brought here Tuesday morning, what happened? What caused you to harm yourself?" I stifle a sob as the memory rushes through my head.

"I" My hands rub across my thighs nervously like they were trying to rub the memory off of me, Dr. Lechy's eyes followed my movement. "I had a nightmare of, of someone's death I saw b-before," Finn's face suddenly burst to my mind and so does the picture of his family. Tears pool out of my red puffy eyes and down my flushed cheeks until they drip of my chin landing on my covered hands. "And it felt like I was there, I_ tried_ to st-stop it but he still died and I had the same injuries as he did."

His eyes widen and he furiously scribbles in his notebook. "So I am guessing this man was injured around his left shoulder?" I nod my head and he releases a sound in his throat as he continues to write. He smiles in what is suppose to be comforting but it only sends a shiver down my spine. "Okay well, I am going to help you learn how to control this this gift you have okay?" I stare at him dumbfounded. "If you learn how to control it you can have a normal life but you mustn't tell anyone what happens during these sessions or else you will be put in a mental institute." I nod my head once again dumbfounded, just now realizing that he is correct, my fathers will think I am crazy and daddy will cave into anything dad wants, today proved that. "Okay I am going to tell your fathers that you have had a rough day today and that I will see you everyday of the week, and don't worry we've already went over payments, and if you do as I wish those payments made by your fathers won't be necessary anymore. I will tell your fathers that you do not need the PTSD drug because with therapy it won't be needed. But you should probably use the sleeping pills due to the bags under your eyes."

I just stare at him. "Seriously Rachel, take the sleeping pills, they won't keep you asleep just make it easier to sleep. Just listen to me and you can control this." I nod my head slowly. "Okay I will call your fathers and tell them we are done, I'll have them bring you tomorrow around two in the afternoon. Your fathers agreed to do it everyday including Sundays, weekdays will be around 3:45 since you get out of school around 3:25." He got up and left the room.

I sat there and stared off into space. I don't know how long I sat there until Dr. Lechy came back in, he handed me a bottle of water and a wet tissue, I got the hint and wiped my face clean then took a drink of water. He then took the notebook he had written in and put it in a small briefcase thing about the size of a small purse, and locked it. At my gaze he spoke. "Can't have anyone getting their hands on this, so I will lock it in this and keep it on me at all times."

I don't answer him so he moves to his desk and starts typing on his computer, making annoyed sounds every time he clicks on something. Finally there is a knock on the door and my fathers come in. They smile at me and I get up and walk towards them. Daddy looks at me, his eyes begging for forgiveness. Dad's eyes hold hope. I look at them and manage a smile so that they think everything is okay before I walk straight past them. I just barely make out Dr. Lechy telling them I had a rough day and not to worry if i'm unresponsive or aloof the next few days.

I sit down at a chair ten feet away from the door across the hallway. My fingers twist against one another, pulling at the fabric of my gloves. I hear footsteps and look up, Santana is walking down the hall with the ethnic doctor that I had seen at my last visit, the one who took the itching man to the examen room. She spot me and shock crosses her features. She turns to her father and I can barely make out what she says to him. "Espera un momento. La conozco." Her dad says something I can't hear and kisses his daughter's cheek before walking past me. He gives me a smile meant to comfort me.

She walks up to me and stands in front of me. I don't look up at her even as she speaks. "What are you doing here?" I don't answer her, just continue to stare at the floor. "Hey are you okay." I don't answer her and I see her shadow move before she kneels down to catch my eyes with hers. She looks around then looks at me curiously. "What are you doing here Berry?" I don't answer her. "Rachel why are you here?"

Her voice is losing her patients. "I am currently sitting in a chair." She glares at me. I roll my eyes before I answer her. "I am waiting on my fathers, they are speaking to a doctor."

She looks at me but nods, she goes to say something and the day catches up with me as I interrupt her. "Could you just leave me alone please. I had a bad day and you have threatened me constantly, I know you only did it because you care about Brittany but I do not need nor do I want your concern. So please just leave me alone."

She stares at me for about twenty seconds before muttering something under her breathe. Then she talks at a normal level. "Whatever, I'll leave you alone but you don't need to be alone, just remember that." With those final words she stalks off after her father.

I watch her walk away until she disappears down the hall. I sit in silence my mind going over the events of today. Wondering why Dr. Lechy is helping me, he seems like a very creepy old man but he does seem genuine when he said he wants to help me learn to control it, but why would he want to help me control it. Why was he the first one to actually believe me when even my family wouldn't. As these question flit through my brain at impossible speeds I hear the door open. My fathers walk out, dad shaking hands with Dr. Lechy before they head my way. Dr. Lechy shoots me a smile before shutting his door. Daddy looks at me. "How you feeling Rach?"

I shrug my shoulders and mumble an okay. He nods his head, worry flashing through his eyes, but he drops the question he wants to ask. Dad looks at me hope filled in his eyes as he begins to speak. "Dr. Lechy said you did good today. He said the therapy was a good idea." I nod my head absentmindedly. "This is good sweetheart, he's helping you thats a good thing, smile a little." I just nod my head neither agreeing or disagreeing with his statement. His features look crestfallen when I don't answer him.

We start walking down the hallway, i'm walking behind them. Daddy speaks to dad trying to comfort his sorrow filled face. "Hiram, the doctor said she would be a bit distant, don't take it personally." I scoff internally, of course he should take it personally, he forced me to come her. Dad just nods his head. Daddy looks back at me and give me a soft encouraging smile.

We get into the car, dad makes sure everyone is buckled before he pulls out of the parking lot, the car is filled with silence until daddy turns the radio on some random station. Soft music played before a woman's voice filled the car._"I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle, laying down on the bathroom floor. My loneliness was a rattle in the windows._" My foot began to tap a beat to the song. _"You said you don't want me anymore. And you left me standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying. I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you. I wish I could erase our memory cause you didn't give a damn about me. Oh, finally I'm through wasting all these tears on you. These tears on you."_ I started humming softly to the song, thinking I should tell Finn and Tina about it, they would like it. _"You ain't worth another sleepless night, and I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind, cause what you wanted I couldn't get. What you did, boy I'll never forget._" Both my fathers eyes alight in happiness as I continue humming softly, my fingers tapping the beat against my thighs. "_And you left me standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying._" Daddy turns the radio up just a bit. _"I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you. I wish I could erase our memory cause you didn't give a damn about me."_ I started to softly sing along to the lyric _"Oh, finally I'm through wasting all these tears on you. These tears on you. And you left me standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying. I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you. I wish I could erase our memory cause you didn't give a damn about me."_ Silently I wish I could erase the memories of the deaths, of crying my eyes out. _"Oh, finally I'm through wasting all these tears on you. These tears on you. I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle,"_ I vaguely think alcohol would most likely make this worse. _"laying down on the bathroom floor."_ The song ended and I continued to look out the window just barely catching the look of hope and happiness on my fathers face, it had been forever since I had sung, but the song was catchy and uplifting.

We pull into our driveway and as I climb out of the car, it was almost five in the afternoon, I had spent four almost five hours at Dr. Lechy's office. daddy unlocks the door and as we walk through dad looks at my daddy, giving him the look, daddy turns to look at me. "Rach I know today was exhausting but your dad and I wanted to know if you would like to go on a picnic, just the three of us. We'll go to the park we used to go to when you were younger." They both looked hopeful and I wanted to turn them down, to run up into my room and curl up in a ball, but they were my fathers and I loved them even if I was forced to go to therapy, and I think 'Who knows maybe Dr. Lechy can actually help me control it, he seems to believe he can.' So I nod my head and smile break out across their faces.

Dad rushes to get the picnic together and I hear stuff falling on the floor in his haste. Daddy laughs then looks at me. "Could you grabs some thick blankets Rach? Maybe two or three, its still kinda chilly out." I nod my head and walk up the stairs as I hear my fathers cleaning up the mess dad had made. I walk to the closet and begin to pull out think winter blanket. I find two and toss them down the stairs before finding a slightly thinner one and throwing it down the stairs. Daddy manages to trip over them as he walks out of the kitchen. "Rachel I said grab blankets not throw them down the stairs. " I hear dad laughing as daddy has to untangle himself from the blanket. "I almost tripped to death over them."

A sad look crosses my face before I shake my head putting the mention of death behind me. I hear dad laughing before he speaks. "Its not your daughters fault that you don't look where you're going." Dad looks up as I walk down the stairs. "Help your father fold the blankets up and put them in the trunk, I'm gonna put the basket in the trunk then grab something from the basement." I nod my head and he smiles at me before rushing out the door.

Daddy finally pulled his leg from the blanket before rolling the lighter one into a ball. I smile at him and cross my arms. He sighs. "You're just like your father, it doesn't matter if its folded Rachel." I smile at his childlike voice before he sighs and begins to fold one of the bigger blankets, he tosses the smallest one at my face. "You can fold that one up, you threw them down the stairs." A silent chuckle leaves my mouth as I fold it up, happy my fathers aren't fighting for once in the last five days, even if it was an argument over me. Dad come back in from outside before heading to the basement. "Come on lets get this in the trunk then wait for you father." I nod my head and we head to the car, stuffing the blankets in the trunk, making sure the picnic basket doesn't tip.

Once were done with that dad comes running out of the house, locking the door, then throwing something into the trunk onto the blankets. I look curiously at him before he starts the engine. He smiles at me and I look out the window. The drive takes ten minutes until we are at the park, it is November in Ohio so it is cold. I shiver even though I have a long sleeved shirt on. Daddy tosses me one one my thick jackets and I smile in thanks as he and dad pull on their jackets.

Daddy throws the smaller blankets at me before grabbing the thicker two and walking until he makes it to a small clearing overlooking a small pond. He throws one blanket down until it is completely unfolded the throws the other thick blanket on top of it, giving us cushion from the cold possibly wet ground. He sits down as dad drops the picnic basket near him and then drops a portable radio.

He begins to pass out food and turns the radio on a random station, music playing so softly it is only a background noise. Dad throws the blanket over all of our legs, him and daddy curled up together and me sitting beside them. We begin to eat and daddy looks at the swing seat, he begins to laugh and then choke on his food. Dad pats his back worriedly, questioning him on what happened. Daddy points to the swings still laughing and dad's face burns bright red in embarrassment.

I look at the both curious before daddy begins to explain. "I don't think you would remember this but when you were about one and a half and we brought you here and your dad tried to get you to swing on the baby swing." He points to the child swing, the one that has the holes for kids feet, and a backrest so they don't fall out. "You were to scared to ride the normal one and when we kept trying to put you in that one but you freaked out. You finally started to point at your dad and then the swing." He begins chuckling. "We finally got the hint and your dad hopped up into the swing to show you it was safe to ride." He bursts into laughter until my dad shoves his shoulder, his face still red but a smile running over his features. "Sorry, dear." He chuckles again. "I'm sorry but it was hilarious." He looks from my dad to me. "You dad got his butt stuck in the seat." His laughter is contagious. "He started to swing in it and slipped and got stuck." His next words came out of his mouth tinted in laughter. "He started to flail around and you began to laugh so hard, clapping your hands and saying 'Funny dad' 'funny dad'." Smiles are across their faces. "Those were your first two words, you had been babbling constantly for the last three months but those were your first words."

I chuckle picturing my dad stuck in that seat. "How come you never told me this story before?"

Daddy laughs a bit. "Because you were a handful! You got into so much trouble when you were younger, it was hard to keep up with all the things you did and I just realized how old we were." He lets out a laugh. "Though your baby book practically has a day by day report in it. I'm sure your dad wrote all the moments down." Dad nodded his head.

"Oh god Leroy do you remember that one time in Columbia with the rude man?" Daddy nodded his head in amusement and I looked at them both in question. "We go into the mall, we had to get your grandpa a present and couldn't find the right one. Anyway me and your father are walking around hand in hand and you were running around with your aunt. This man had come up to us and was telling us how we were going to hell, you were about four." He breaks off into a laugh. "You had come in behind this guy holding your aunts hand, and as he started to tell us how we were against god and everything, you pulled on his jacket sleeve and he looked down at you. You asked him what hell was and he said it was where bad people went." They both laughed. "You told him and I quote, 'My daddies are nice people, if anyone is going to hell it is you, you big mean dummy.' Then you kicked him in the shin and told him not to talk mean to your daddies anymore. He was about to yell but security showed up and he hightailed it outta there." They both had smiles on their faces, their laugh lines pulling at their face as they looked at me full of love.

Before this stupid curse I got we were happy, I wondered if we could ever be happy again. I decided then and there that I wanted to be happy, I had to stop wallowing in fear and doubt. I needed to grow up and deal with this like an adult. Once I decided that I began to ask my fathers about more stories of my younger days, the time passed quickly. I spot Brittany and Santana at the waters edge, Brittany smiles and waves at me, I wave back and Santana just looks at me before my father recapture my attention about me trying to do laundry and flooding the basement with bubbles when I was five. Laughter burst from my mouth as they describe me screaming that it was going to eat me, they said I wouldn't go near the washer until a year later.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait next Chapter should hopefully be up quicker than this one was. Thanks to all the readers and review if you can:)**

**Translations:"Espera un momento. La conozco. "Hold on/ wait a minute. I know her."**

**The song on the radio is 'Wasting All These Tears' by Cassadee Pope**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this story, or pertaining to this story.**

**A/N: I managed get injured once again(I swear karma is out to get me or I just have horrible luck), this time it is a fractured or dislocated scapula :( update may take a little while due to typing difficulty, sorry guys.**

**Chapter 7**

It is past dark and I look at my phone, It reads 8:46. We pack up everything we brought stuffing it in the trunk. I pull my jacket tighter around me, soft music pouring out of the cars speakers. We make it to the house and I help bring everything into the house. I look into the cool night, I am far from tired, so I look to my dads and ask if I can go for a run. They seem shocked before they toss me pepper spray. "Its dark our Rach, we don't want you running into trouble." He sighs. "Just promise to keep your phone on you and stick close to the house." I nod my head, realizing that they are giving me my space to think, even if they hate the thought of me going out at almost nine. I tell them I love them before kissing them on their cheeks, using their shock to my advantage as I run out of the house.

I run about a block before I begin to just walk. Letting the cool night air blow against my face. I keep walking not even paying attention to where I am walking, I am coming up on a sort of hill on the sidewalk, I am looking at the ground and couldn't hear the pounding of feet on the pavement. I grunt as a body lands on top of me. Familiar features fill my eyes as hazel eyes look at me curiously.

Frannie stands up before offering me her hand, I take it and she pulls me up. "I didn't break anything on you did I?"

She looks me up and down and I shake my head in the negative. "So you're not running tonight, you okay?" I begin to walk again and she follows me. "So what are you doing out here Rachel?"

I look around before answering. "I don't know honestly, I couldn't sleep so I came out here."

She nodded her head. "I do that sometimes too."

I look at her curiously. "Why do you run every night?"

She laughs. "I used to be on the cheerios when I was in high school, and Sue made us run more than I do now." She shrugs her shoulder. "And I dunno, I kinda like running, gives you something to do other than think, lets you focus on something other than what is wrong in your life. I just kinda kept running after high school."

I look at her and she smiles sheepishly. "When did you graduate?"

She laughs. "I'll tell when I graduated if you tell me what grade you're in." I nod my head. "I graduated three years ago."

She looks at me. "I'm a junior. But why are you in Lima still?"

"My sisters in your grade." She smiles before looking the other direction. She sighs. "I left Lima the second I graduated. I had scholarship to a bunch of schools." She shrugs like its not a big deal. "I went to one in Columbia." She looks at me. "I didn't want to stay in Lima but I knew I needed to stay close by in case my family needed me. I'm on break right now since it's getting closer to Thanksgiving." She shrugs and I know that this is only part of the truth. I look at her curiously and she grins. "Uhh uhh I told you things now its your turn. What do you plan to do after high school?"

Shock runs through my body, I had never given it a thought. I didn't know what I was going to do after high school. "I.. I honestly have no idea."

She looks at me. "Why not?"

I shrug and she raises her eyebrow. "I don't know, it just never crossed my mind. With everything going on I just forgot or didn't think about it."

"What all is going on?" I just shake my head not wanting to spill the beans to anyone, Tina may already know I have nightmares but thats all she knows. "Okay how about this I tell you the rest of my reason for being here and you tell me yours?" Could I trust her, she seems nice enough, and she doesn't go to my school. I nod my head finally putting my faith into someone. "Alright the real reason i'm here is because my mother divorced my father." I nodded my head. "She doesn't know how to cope without him and is a recovering alcoholic." She shrugs. "My sister is still in high school and shouldn't have to go through keeping my mom sober. There are some nights mom freaks out and others she doesn't." She shrugs again, her face saddened. "I keep her from relapsing and going back to my dad. My sister wants to help, but she is still a little wary about my mom since they kicked her out."

I nod my head and look at her,"You shouldn't have to go through that but you are a good person for doing it." She smile softly and nods. She then looks at me her eyes imploring. I sigh, my finger fidget with my gloves and her eyes follow my movements, curiosity showing in them. "The reason I haven't thought about after school is because I wake up everyday and it is a constant panic." I rub my arms again. "There are some times I wish it would stop and others that I wish I would die, but I wouldn't break my fathers hearts like that." She looks saddened by my admission of wanting to die sometimes, and it's true sometimes I just want the pain to end. "The night you caught me running me and my dad had a fight about me going to therapy." I shrug my shoulders. "I didn't want to, the doctor creeps me out, but I saw him today and he said he could help me." I shrug my shoulders. "I just want to be able to control it for my sake and my fathers, I broke their hearts for the last eight years, I want to fix it."

She looks at me, like she wants to pull me into a hug, her eyes beg for permission and I give in. She pulls me into a tight embrace, tight enough to know she is there but loose enough that I could get out of if I wanted to. "God I wish I could tell you that it would be alright but I don't know that it will." I nod my head against her and she tightens her grip. "I'll be here until my mother doesn't need me anymore, which will be awhile, then I'm going back to Columbia, if you ever need anything Rachel, even if you think its stupid, call me." I nod my head and she pulls her phone out, I mutter my number and she calls it, my phone ringing before she hangs up. "I know we just met days ago, and this does seem weird, but we both need someone." She shrugs her shoulders. "I could use a friend how about you?" I nod my head and she smiles before turning around, confused I turn around with her and we walk in silence.

I don't even realize we made it to my house until she clears her throat. "Its almost ten and I figured you needed to be home." She shrugs her shoulders and I thank her wish a smile. I turn as I shut the door smiling at her. The second I am safely in the house she turns around and walks a block until she begins to jog.

My daddy looks at me as I walk in, his face looked like it aged by five years. "Hey sweetie, good run?" I nod my head. He looks sad for some reason as he tosses me a water bottle. His hand runs over his face. "God baby-girl, I hate to tell you this and it makes me feel like a horrible parent." I look at him curious. "I know you are just starting to go through therapy and I should be here, but my uncle died and I ne- I need to go to his funeral." He looks broken and it dawns on me, this must be the uncle that lives in Washington, the one that took him in when his father died and his mother kicked him out for his gender preference.

Sobs rack his body and I rush forward to hug him, not even giving it a second thought, his face rests on my covered shoulder, tears leaking through my shirt at a fast pace. Sadness fills me, I had never met his uncle, the man who was his second dad. I hear my dad on the phone upstairs and I know he is booking flights and discussing funeral arrangements, he is strong when my dad can't be, they were both close to daddy's uncle, looking to him for guidance. I was afraid of funerals, I hadn't visited a funeral since my grandmothers. Dad was either going to stay with me, but daddy would need him, he couldn't handle this on his own, so I was most likely going to stay at one of my fathers friends houses or maybe at Tina's, they knew I hated funerals and wouldn't make me go. I felt guilt at that and wanted to tell my daddy I would go, but the thought of death and being packed into a room with so many people scared me.

I comforted him, patting his back and letting him cry his body until it was bone tired. He looked at me with tired and sorrow filled eyes. I gave him a broken smile, my eyes watering at seeing my daddy so broken. He tried to give me a smile back, but his lips wouldn't form one, as if they couldn't think to even move into a semblance of happy when my daddy's whole world had just been crushed. I heard feet on the stairs. My dad walked in, his eyes barely holding the tears in, he saw me hugging daddy and gave me a grateful smile that I was here for him while he had to arrange the funeral.

My dad comes over before pulling my daddy into a hug, somehow I am sandwiched in between them, but I don't care, they needed this, they needed the comfort of a family hug. Daddy stopped crying but his eyes remained red and he kept sniffing as if that would stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes. Dad speaks his voice broken. "They said he wanted a private funeral, only the closest family members there." He wiped at his eyes before his tears could run down his face. "He is going in the plot next to your dad, he said he wanted to be by his brother once again." Dad and daddy both let out a shaky breath. "Rach, I know you never met him, the distance made it hard, but if you want to go I can book us all a flight."

God I wanted to go so bad, I wanted to be there for my fathers, but fear kept me from doing what I wanted. Fear is a funny thing, it can be the tiniest thing, like fearing the dark confines of our room as children, or it could be a huge fear, fear of the world ending. It causes us to live our life based around that fear. Those who fear the dark hide beneath the cover, sleep with a night light, but the still worry still fear it even if they have found a current solution. Those that fear the apocalypse or the world ending, spend years building a shelter then hiding away from humanity, trying to build something that will save them. Humans as a race, let fear control us as it whispers 'what if's and 'this could happen' into our ears and minds, leaving tiny seeds of doubt and fear throughout our body.

The fear has been in my body since I was eight and it has had almost nine years to fester and grow like an infected sore. It whispers in the back of my mind like a seductress, 'What if you touch someone there? What if you see a family member's death again? Could you live knowing that you can save them?' pulling me in and keeping my attention. Its voice is terrifying yet persuasive, hitting all the spots it knows I will buckle under, causing my cool facade to crumple. The fear controls my body and I allow it to speak for me instead of giving myself control. "Dr. Lechy just started to help me. I know he can help me. What if I have an episode there? I don't want to cause a scene or worry you guys. You deserve to go be with family without having to worry about me. I'll be fine, I can see if I can stay with Tina. And it would waste money to have me go and just stay in the hotel room." They look heartbroken and it pulls at a string in my heart. Guilt floods my system at doing this to them and anger follows it, anger at letting it control me, letting it whisper into my ear. "I wish I could have known him daddy, from the stories you told me he was an amazing man."

He choked down a sob, his lips twitching into a sorrow filled smile. "He was a good man, the best. I wish you could have met him too. You would have gotten along famously." He sighs saddened. "Okay baby-girl, call Tina and see if you can stay with her, if you can't you are going with us." I nod my head. "Its a shame you never got to meet him." I nod my head sadly, pulling him in for a tighter hug. He kisses the top of my head before moving to the kitchen, my dad kisses the crown of my head before following my daddy.

I move up the stairs and call Tina once in my room. The phone rings and I hear her answer. _"Rachel are you okay?"_

I nod my head before realizing stupidly that she can't see me. "Yeah, i'm okay but I need to ask a favor."

I hear the phone shuffle as she gets up off of something and moves around. _"Sure, anything. What do ya need?"_

I smile happy to have a friend like Tina, one who would do anything for me, I felt the same, I would go to the ends of the earth for her and Finn. "My fathers uncle died and they need to go to his funeral this week, I was wondering if I could stay with you. They don't want me to stay home alone."

I hear a door shut and her feet running up stairs. _"I am so sorry he is gone, how are your fathers? And hold on I gotta ask my mom."_ I hear her question her mother and a muffled response._ "She said you could stay as long as you needed."_

"They're taking it as well as can be expected. And thank you Tina, I didn't want to burden them with everything while they're so broken." I lay down on my bed and hear Tina shut one door then open another, I hear a thud and smile as I figure out that she had flopped onto her bed.

_"You're never a burden Rachel, remember that, and you are always welcome here._" Her voice is sincere and calms me somewhat.

"Thank you Tina, for everything. I have to go tell my fathers, I have no idea when they are leaving." I sigh softly hearing something clatter in the kitchen, daddy most likely tried to cook something but broke down.

_"Its no problem Rachel. Text me if you'll be here tonight or tomorrow night._" I hear something shift in the background.

"Still thank you and okay, i'll talk to you later Tina." I hear her say_ 'Alright see you soon.'_ Before I hang up.

I walk down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen, dad is cleaning up some eggs and milk off the floor, daddy has his face in his hands. "Tina said I could come over and stay as long as I need." They both nod and I move to help my dad clean up the mess, he smiles at me with grateful tear filled eyes.

We finish up the mess and dad heads up stairs and I hear drawers opening and closing. Daddy looks at me. "We're leaving in the morning." He sigh softly. "I have to help funeral arrangements." He lets out a soft sigh again. "I don't like leaving you here without us, but I understand, just make sure you go to every appointment with Dr. Lechy, if you think he can help you please continue to go to him. I know you father will call to check up on you with Dr. Lechy.

"Okay daddy, i'll make sure not to miss an appointment. You and dad just be careful please." I don't want to lose them because of some stupid mistake that could be prevented and like with Tina I want to touch them just to see how much longer I have left with them.

"We're always careful baby-girl." He looks at the clock. "We gotta leave by five to get to the airport in time for our seven thirty flight from Cleveland, we should only be gone four days at the most, I'll call you every day until we are back home on Wednesday night." I smile at him and he pulls me into a bone crushing hug as if he need to hold onto me to make sure I am there, I am still alive. I tighten my hold on him crushing fear to the back of my head as I gave comfort to my father. He smiled brokenly at me before heading up the stairs.

Dad comes down the stairs. He looks at me his face strained and his eyes sad and shattered, like something inside of him is breaking as he watches my daddy break. "Hey Rach." He speaks to me softly, I smile at him and he opens his arms like he used to when I was a little girl. I rush into them knowing he needs it. I may be mad at him for forcing me to do therapy, but he believed that he was right, and maybe he is. Maybe Dr. Lechy can help me, and even if he can't, I can't afford to go against Dr. Lechy, if I stop going to him I know he will send me to the mental institute, and that would break my fathers completely. It doesn't matter if I were to tell people about the sessions, if they even suspected my curse they would send me to a mental institute or worse to a lab to study me.

My dad's arms loosen before they let me go completely, bringing me out of my thoughts. He kisses the crown of my head, sighing softly. "I love you Rachel, never doubt that princess." I smile the nickname bringing up memories from a long forgotten childhood.

"I would never dad, I love you too, please don't doubt that." I bury my face into his chest. He murmurs a 'never' as he hugs me again.

"I better head to bed. Please be careful while we're gone. I wish you would go with us but I understand why you won't." He runs his finger to catch the tear spilling out of my left eye. "Just be safe, I love you and I only want the best for you." I squeeze his hand, telling him I know before walking up the stairs, telling him I love him and daddy before I head to my room to try and sleep.

* * *

I hear thumping and I blearily rub the sleep out of my eye, it is 4:30 in the morning on a Sunday. I shake myself awake both mentally and physically. I get up and head down the stairs, daddy is fretting around the kitchen trying to pour coffee from the pot into travel mugs. Dad left the front door open as he carried their luggage outside. He came back in, his hands grabbing my daddy's shaking ones before he pours the coffee into the travel mugs, handing them both to my daddy as he put the pot into the sink.

They spot me in the doorway as I walk into the kitchen. I greet them and they both say good morning back to me. Daddy still looks broken, worse than last night as if with each day that passes he breaks even more. I hug him, knowing I wouldn't see anything with the way I was covered up. He clings to me as my dad rubs his back. "I'm gonna miss you baby-girl." His voice breaks and cracks, and my heart breaks along with it. "We'll call you everyday okay?" I nod my head and he tighten his hold on me enough to lift me a few inches of the ground and take the wind out of my lungs.

He drops me back to the ground and tells me he loves me, I tell him the same and he moves to the door, going outside to the car. My dad looks at me before he grips my arm and pulls me in for a hug. "Take care of yourself Rachel, we'll be back as soon as possible. I love you so much princess."

I return his hug. "I love you to dad, please look after daddy. He looks so broken." i see his eyes water.

"I'll always look after your father Rachel, I love him. And I will always look out for you too." i nod my head against his chest and he releases me. "Go back to bed, get some rest, then head to Tina's tonight after your session. I don't want you home alone all day." I nod my head and tell them I would see them later, goodbye sounds to final, I couldn't utter that one word so I found a different safer way to say it.

I waved to them as they pulled out of the driveway. Once they were out of sight I headed up to my room, the silence eating away at me. I turned music on in my room, letting it fill the silent house. I curled up in a ball on my bed. My eyes focused on the dark blob in my dark room that was my desk. The shadows started to bleed together into a dark pattern, moving as if they had their own mind as I fell asleep again.

* * *

I awoke with a start, nightmare already forgotten the second light entered my eyes. I moved my bangs out of my face, sitting up in bed and popping my back, which had suffered from sleeping in a ball like position. I looked at my phone and saw that it was 10:57, I had a message from my dad that came in at seven, he had said they made it to the airport and their plane should land in Seattle by 1:40. I still had about three hours until I had to be at Dr. Lechy's office. I texted Tina really quick telling her that I was coming by her house tonight. She didn't answer because she never got up until 11:30 or noon.

I got out of bed and decided to take a shower. I spent thirty minutes in the shower, enjoying the hot water. After I got out I went to get dressed in my room, I was about to pull on pant and I realized that I was home alone and the doors were locked. I could walk around without having to worry about touching anyone. I dug through my drawers until I found a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. I slipped them on. I felt weird not used to having any skin exposed.

My body felt naked as I ran down the stairs making lunch as I checked my phone, it was 11:45. Tina had sent me a message saying okay and that I could stop by whenever and wondering how I was doing. I quickly sent to her that I was alright and I'd text her whenever I was heading over. She said okay and wished me a good day.

I left the phone on the counter as I ate lunch. I nervously bounced my leg, not used to the air nipping at my bare legs and arms. I hadn't touch something without gloves in forever and everything felt foreign to me. I brushed my fingers across the granite of the counter, it was sleek, I had never felt it since dad replaced it after a knife incident. I had always kept my gloves on because someone was always home.

Shock went through my features as I realized I hadn't felt grass in eight years, I hadn't felt the sand beneath my feet in eight years. Sorrow fills my body and anger at this stupid condition I have, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I started to run through the house like a little kid, forgetting the sadness of the day, joy replaced it as I ran around the house touching everything with my hands. I already knew what everything in the shower and in my room felt like, I had been undressed in it enough, but I didn't know what the living room carpet felt like against my bare feet, I didn't know how the wooden floor felt. I let my feet soak in the feeling of the soft carpet that is usually never felt except when I had thick socks or shoes on.

Wonderment fills my body as I rush around the house, brushing my fingers against the metal of the fridge, the feeling of my fathers fleece jackets left in the closest. I laughed as I ran my fingers over my dad's felt hat he couldn't seem to part with after fifteen years.

I heard my phone ring and I rushed down the stairs, the wooden floor beating hard against my unprotected and soft vulnerable feet. I skidded into the kitchen across the wooden floor, my feet protesting against my speed and the floor rubbing against my soft skin in harsh ways. I looked at the phone is read 1:36. Dad had texted me and said they were in Seattle, and they were staying at a hotel before the funeral. I texted him back quickly, telling them I was glad they made it safely, I love them, and that I was heading to Dr. Lechy's office. I shoved the rest of my food in my mouth as I set my phone down.

I ran up the stairs, fearing what Lechy would do if I was late. I rushed into my room pulling off my shorts, pulling on long socks then jeans over them, I pulled on my dark grey gloves then pulled on a long sleeve navy and grey striped shirt. I looked at my neck, which was sporting the scratches from Tuesday night, they were scabbed over and slowly healing. I looped a scarf loosely around my neck, running my fingers through my hair that had dried in wave as I ran around the house.

I pulled on shoes before grabbing my keys and locking the door, I hopped into my car and drove to Dr. Lechy's office.


End file.
